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View Full Version : Some encouraging news on a personal note...



Connie Jo
08-05-2010, 03:22 PM
An attorney from Kansas Legal Aid called me a bit ago, and it appears my case against my 'x' husband related to his non compliance of all court orders in our divorce decree, is favorable with their accepting my application for legal representation at no cost.

The attorney said she wanted to speak with her supervisor however, as my case is very rare & complicated, due to my isolated residence, x being self employed able to hide income/assets, as well as many other rare factors & circumstances. She said even if he lies & attempts to manipulate, he didn't have a chance with a judge considering all the factual evidence against him relating to physical, emotional, financial & additional abuses over the last 3 yrs., & which still continues indirectly.

The bad news...the crimes he's committed against me are considered of such cruelty & neglect, arrogance with ignoring ALL court orders...the judge could put him in jail. I've never been the reason anyone has went to jail, let alone my kids' dad. This is only the first step in a process, but it's going to be difficult. I know it's what I have to do...to stop once & for all...the bullying, indirect abuse, disrespect for me as a human being, taking advantage of & using me, etc.. He knows my heart isn't a mean or vindictive natured one, and he took advantage of that too. :(

Putting him in jail doesn't help me receive court awarded investment compensation, but it's also possible the judge could as a result of his non compliance, award me full ownership & equity of the house & land. If that happens, I will be able to drop the price encouraging a quicker sale...he won't have the legal owner rights to prevent me from dropping the price, which he does now have & refuses to drop the price, regardless of risks to himself...not just risks to 'me'.

Chiefster
08-05-2010, 05:12 PM
An attorney from Kansas Legal Aid called me a bit ago, and it appears my case against my 'x' husband related to his non compliance of all court orders in our divorce decree, is favorable with their accepting my application for legal representation at no cost.

The attorney said she wanted to speak with her supervisor however, as my case is very rare & complicated, due to my isolated residence, x being self employed able to hide income/assets, as well as many other rare factors & circumstances. She said even if he lies & attempts to manipulate, he didn't have a chance with a judge considering all the factual evidence against him relating to physical, emotional, financial & additional abuses over the last 3 yrs., & which still continues indirectly.

The bad news...the crimes he's committed against me are considered of such cruelty & neglect, arrogance with ignoring ALL court orders...the judge could put him in jail. I've never been the reason anyone has went to jail, let alone my kids' dad. This is only the first step in a process, but it's going to be difficult. I know it's what I have to do...to stop once & for all...the bullying, indirect abuse, disrespect for me as a human being, taking advantage of & using me, etc.. He knows my heart isn't a mean or vindictive natured one, and he took advantage of that too. :(

Putting him in jail doesn't help me receive court awarded investment compensation, but it's also possible the judge could as a result of his non compliance, award me full ownership & equity of the house & land. If that happens, I will be able to drop the price encouraging a quicker sale...he won't have the legal owner rights to prevent me from dropping the price, which he does now have & refuses to drop the price, regardless of risks to himself...not just risks to 'me'.

Connie, he did this to himself. He is the reason that he may end up in jail; not you.

N TX Dave
08-05-2010, 05:58 PM
Connie, he did this to himself. He is the reason that he may end up in jail; not you.

Yea do not feel bad for him, he choose which path to go down you did not push him. If he wanted to stay out of trouble he would have done what the court ordered. Look at what extent you have gone to try the keep your head above water, selling your Chiefs collection to try to meet your obligations. He did not provide insurance as the court ordered and now you have to pay 3 times as much for it is that your fault? Never feel bad about seeing someone get what they are asking for. Look at it this way he has been messing with the mother of his children and does not care what happens to her (you) so why should you care what happens to him after all he is asking for it and you are not. Get over any guilt you have for what happens to him.

Connie Jo
08-05-2010, 06:48 PM
Thanks for the emotional support and friendship, it's appreciated more than you know. With exception of my buddy above, my dogs...my internet friendships are a daily saving grace. Considering my isolated distant location from family & local friends, my main source of interactivity with the outside world is on line. I've always formed friendships on line that become just as important & cherished to me as my local friendships.

I know some people have reservations with sharing lifes battles openly online, but friendship is friendship for me regardless of sharing method. I've always been an open & outgoing person, good stuff & bad stuff, but respectively spare gory or very private personal details. Friends tell me because I'm open, that's why I've always been known to make friends easily, & say they're comfortable opening up to me when they need support or advice. I think sharing serious circumstances faced in life also can help us appreciate our problems as not being 'the worst' by comparison to others...such as my young friend Dillon. I met Dillon because he opened up to me on line almost 8 yrs ago related to his Cancer, his problems at home, etc..

I'm not as talkative in person, until I get to know a person well, feel comfortable around them...or had a couple beers, haha. I don't usually talk about lifes problems when socializing though...unless someone brings a subject up, their woes or mine they may be familiar with. When I'm out, I usually have fun, enjoy the fun, forget lifes woes, haha. :)

GlennBree
08-05-2010, 07:25 PM
Connie, he did this to himself. He is the reason that he may end up in jail; not you.

Absolutely Right!

Connie Jo
08-05-2010, 08:13 PM
As far as my 'x'...he was a good guy overall. He had faults, just as we all do, but his good outweighed his bad. Whatever happened to him in that hospital back in Feb. 2007, caused his bad to completely takeover. Dr's said he was clinically depressed when symptoms surfaced in the beginning, but he turned to Jim Beam daily to relieve symptoms, he claimed, which only intensified & complicated symptoms.

They think now, based upon his irrational & irresponsible behavior, destructive lifestyle choices, multiple personalities...he's beyond clinical depression, rather mentally unstable, possibly genetic. Schizophrenia runs in his family & is hereditary.

I know this is his own fault...he knew he had problems, didn't do what he could've & should've to help himself, still doesn't. My kids say once in a great while when they see him, there will be a shimmer of the dad they once knew, but it doesn't last long. They say he's weird, strange, emotionless, cold & distant, don't recognize him...completely different. He's not allowed near me, I've not seen or spoke to him since the first of January, nor do I want to.

My kids have told me to do what I need to do for my well being, and said maybe if he's legally held accountable, it will wake him up to reality, help him seek help. I hope he will someday, for his own sake & our kids...but I'll never be able to go back...too much damage, no trust, my love died. He tried reconciling a few times last year...it was too little too late, nor do I believe he was sincere or remorseful...simply more attempts to manipulate, control, & use me for his self benefit.

When he realized I could no longer be manipulated, controlled & bullied...began to rebuild & enjoy life without him...is when he began to "punish" me by disobeying court orders. When I followed through with the divorce...the more he disobeyed court orders, he doesn't obey a single one, not one.

He knows I can't afford to relocate until the house sells...which allows him some control, thats why he won't agree to drop the selling price. He's not rational, in self denial, doesn't realize he's cutting off his nose to spite his face making selling the house difficult.

Hopefully Legal Aid will be successful helping me, all I can do is hope & pray, keep suriviving one day at a time! :)

stricken721
08-05-2010, 08:22 PM
As far as my 'x'...he was a good guy overall. He had faults, just as we all do, but his good outweighed his bad. Whatever happened to him in that hospital back in Feb. 2007, caused his bad to completely takeover. Dr's said he was clinically depressed when symptoms surfaced in the beginning, but he turned to Jim Beam daily to relieve symptoms, he claimed, which only intensified & complicated symptoms.

They think now, based upon his irrational & irresponsible behavior, destructive lifestyle choices, multiple personalities...he's beyond clinical depression, rather mentally unstable, possibly genetic. Schizophrenia runs in his family & is hereditary.

I know this is his own fault...he knew he had problems, didn't do what he could've & should've to help himself, still doesn't. My kids say once in a great while when they see him, there will be a shimmer of the dad they once knew, but it doesn't last long. They say he's weird, strange, emotionless, cold & distant, don't recognize him...completely different. He's not allowed near me, I've not seen or spoke to him since the first of January, nor do I want to.

My kids have told me to do what I need to do for my well being, and said maybe if he's legally held accountable, it will wake him up to reality, help him seek help. I hope he will someday, for his own sake & our kids...but I'll never be able to go back...too much damage, no trust, my love died. He tried reconciling a few times last year...it was too little too late, nor do I believe he was sincere or remorseful...simply more attempts to manipulate, control, & use me for his self benefit.

When he realized I could no longer be manipulated, controlled & bullied...began to rebuild & enjoy life without him...is when he began to "punish" me by disobeying court orders. When I followed through with the divorce...the more he disobeyed court orders, he doesn't obey a single one, not one.

He knows I can't afford to relocate until the house sells...which allows him some control, thats why he won't agree to drop the selling price. He's not rational, in self denial, doesn't realize he's cutting off his nose to spite his face making selling the house difficult.

Hopefully Legal Aid will be successful helping me, all I can do is hope & pray, keep suriviving one day at a time! :)

The power of prayer is an amazing thing and I have seen it in my own life as well as others. We can never give up faith no matter how hard things get, that's where we are tested, and it's always a great things to have family and friend praying for you also, which I will continue to do CJ. I'm glad to hear there was some encouraging news today, hopefully more encouraging news is on it's way soon.

Chiefster
08-05-2010, 08:24 PM
The power of prayer is an amazing thing and I have seen it in my own life as well as others. We can never give up faith no matter how hard things get, that's where we are tested, and it's always a great things to have family and friend praying for you also, which I will continue to do CJ. I'm glad to hear there was some encouraging news today, hopefully more encouraging news is on it's way soon.

...This!

Chiefster
08-05-2010, 08:39 PM
As far as my 'x'...he was a good guy overall. He had faults, just as we all do, but his good outweighed his bad. Whatever happened to him in that hospital back in Feb. 2007, caused his bad to completely takeover. Dr's said he was clinically depressed when symptoms surfaced in the beginning, but he turned to Jim Beam daily to relieve symptoms, he claimed, which only intensified & complicated symptoms.

They think now, based upon his irrational & irresponsible behavior, destructive lifestyle choices, multiple personalities...he's beyond clinical depression, rather mentally unstable, possibly genetic. Schizophrenia runs in his family & is hereditary.

I know this is his own fault...he knew he had problems, didn't do what he could've & should've to help himself, still doesn't. My kids say once in a great while when they see him, there will be a shimmer of the dad they once knew, but it doesn't last long. They say he's weird, strange, emotionless, cold & distant, don't recognize him...completely different. He's not allowed near me, I've not seen or spoke to him since the first of January, nor do I want to.

My kids have told me to do what I need to do for my well being, and said maybe if he's legally held accountable, it will wake him up to reality, help him seek help. I hope he will someday, for his own sake & our kids...but I'll never be able to go back...too much damage, no trust, my love died. He tried reconciling a few times last year...it was too little too late, nor do I believe he was sincere or remorseful...simply more attempts to manipulate, control, & use me for his self benefit.

When he realized I could no longer be manipulated, controlled & bullied...began to rebuild & enjoy life without him...is when he began to "punish" me by disobeying court orders. When I followed through with the divorce...the more he disobeyed court orders, he doesn't obey a single one, not one.

He knows I can't afford to relocate until the house sells...which allows him some control, thats why he won't agree to drop the selling price. He's not rational, in self denial, doesn't realize he's cutting off his nose to spite his face making selling the house difficult.

Hopefully Legal Aid will be successful helping me, all I can do is hope & pray, keep suriviving one day at a time! :)

Connie,

You're doing what you have to do; what he has left you no alternative but to do, and I admire your resolve.

I know MI my explain why a person behaves the way that they do but it does not absolve them from responsibility or the consequences of their actions; particularly when they refuse help for their condition. Please do not feel bad for doing what you have to do to survive.

Connie Jo
08-05-2010, 11:55 PM
Oh, you know me well enough by now Chiefster...I'm gonna feel bad doing what I have to do. I'd rather have it that way than not though...if ya know what I mean. :)

That said, it's not gonna stop me, cause I know it's the only way I'm gonna stop him from indirectly "punishing me" for not being miserable without him. Misery loves company is a fact, and his disobeying court orders is just another method to torment, abuse & punish me. The more I began to heal, move forward, rebuild a life without him...the more court orders he disobeyed, until finally he disobeyed them all...every single one he ignores.

He intentionally dropped the insurance & kept it hidden, he didn't want me having transportation to go places & 'live'. He tried to take the truck in the divorce, cause he knew how much it meant to me sentimentally. He didn't want it for sentimental reasons...he wanted it because it would hurt me, and because his girlfriend, wife, whatever...told him she wanted it. My truck was the only thing I fought him over. Heck, my truck is a 2005, he was awarded the 2008 Escape, which was the vehicle he chose & wanted, his color. The truck was always considered the vehicle I drove. I picked the truck & color, CHIEFS RED! I obtained the financing in my own name, I worked hard & sacrificed to pay for it too.

Before our divorce was finalized, last year I was kind and let him use the truck whenever he said he needed it related to business. He had a truck, a work utility van, but said they wouldn't pull his new trailer. Well, I found out from my son...he wasn't using it for business, rather was using it for his girlfriend, & letting her drive it. She's an addict, alcoholic, has a history of drunk driving & DUI's...not even sure if she has a drivers license reinstated. That was the only time since all this began, that I was truely angry... when I found out he lied about his reasons for needing to borrow my truck, was using it for his girlfriend.

I'm not sure which one of us was luckier the day I found out, cause I was mad enough I likely would've decked him! In our 37 years of marriage, I only decked him once about 20 yrs or so ago. He was drunk & being verbally abusive, I wasn't responding, that made him angry, so he called my grandma the 'c' word. He never knew my grandma. I lived with her from 1 1/2 yrs old until I was 6, she died when I was 11, a woman he knew I considered to be one of the most positive influences in my life, and whom I loved & admired greatly.

It wasn't funny then, but is now all these years later. He never saw it coming, heck I didn't either, haha...I'm not a violent person by nature, so surprised myself. He called her that & I just instinctively somehow doubled up my fist without saying a word & decked him right in the eye! He panicked with being drunk, he couldn't see out of his eye after I decked him, so he thought I knocked his eye out. He was on the ground looking for his eyeball, screaming that I knocked his eye out, pleading for me to help find it so he could put it back in. He ended up with a very swollen huge black eye, but with eyeball and vision in tact, haha. I think I still have a picture of his black eye a friend took a couple days later, they were joking about it, cause it was out of character for me to do that.

I never heard him use the 'c' word again after that, nor did he ever again utter a bad word against my grandma. Guess he he didn't want to cross that line again.

Chiefster
08-06-2010, 08:52 AM
:lol: Well, we know that he is capable of learning. That is simply priceless!

I love how, even through times of emotional distress, you choose not to be miserable.

Connie Jo
08-06-2010, 07:19 PM
Oh, I've had my moments of misery throughout this life transition. Heck, being isolated with no transportation can be miserable & depressing at times. Being in limbo not able to move forward, needing & wanting to re-locate to Kansas City, can be miserable.

There are aspects of being alone I enjoy, but yet not having someone to love & share life with, can be miserable sometimes too. I tend to have a heart than needs love in all aspects. I miss having someone to go places with, share the day's events with, and doing things to make him smile & laugh...for no reason, or for birthday, holidays, etc.. The man he became rarely smiled or laughed, no matter what I did to encourage it, my efforts were unappreciated. I don't miss that feeling at all.

Still, I'm blessed with the ability when I begin to feel sorry for myself...to remind myself it could be far worse, and is for many...so my self pity/misery doesn't last long, haha. I have by far more blessings in my life than not, regardless of the painful experiences I've endured in life, including those as a result of my x's self destruction. I admit the last 3 yrs have been the worst life experience yet related to emotional pain, heartbreak, & financial struggles. However, I also know these types of life experiences only make me stronger, wiser, and a better person overall than I was before as a result.

I'm in such a better place than I was the last 2-3 years of marriage. The man he became made life miserable most daily, and fearful too...never knowing from day to day what he would do to cause me hurt, humiliation, etc.. He drained the very life out of me, everything was for and about him only...I had no rights as a wife, mother, grandma, woman, or human being. I didn't realize how miserable being married to him had become, until I began to heal emotionally after I asked him to move out in April 2009...began re-building a life without him in it.

I can be 'me' again for the first time in so very long, without facing ridicule, humiliation, retaliation, abuse. With the exception of financial struggles, I'm having a pretty good time being 'me', haha. Most important is that I retain my soul, regardless of what happens. :)

Chiefster
08-08-2010, 02:32 AM
In the wise words of someone we all know and, I'm sure, love: "I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam!" :bananen_smilies046: