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View Full Version : Research help needed relating to the sexes, haha...



Connie Jo
06-04-2011, 03:49 AM
I'm doing some research into the differences between men and women that will help me help others through my volunteer counseling efforts.

I've noticed some men and women seem to be chauvinistic against the opposite sex, especially if they've had a negative experience. For instance, I have female friends who bash men in general, some are worse about it than others, but they have one common unity...a bad relationship, either existing or ended. They continue to have relationships with men even though they bash them, so they're contradictory in that aspect, lol. I have male friends who do the same, they stereotype all women as being the same after a negative experience with one.

Personally, my brain doesn't work like that...I probably have more reason to be bitter, angry, and hateful towards men than most women I know who bash men. However...I've never felt like that, I judge each person I cross paths with individually, male or female. Another contradiction is most women & men have had bad relationship experiences with those of their own gender sex also...be it a rival, x -friend, co-worker, whomever. They don't throw their own gender into a category of all being bad like they do when having a negative experience with the opposite gender.

So, if you don't mind participating in my research efforts I'd like to know your general observations of the differences between the genders in personality & behavior. If you're a woman...what negative traits in men do you see as being universal in all men? If you're a man...what negative traits of women do you see as all being the same?

AkChief49
06-04-2011, 03:28 PM
For instance, I have female friends who bash men in general, some are worse about it than others, but they have one common unity...a bad relationship, either existing or ended. They continue to have relationships with men even though they bash them, so they're contradictory in that aspect, lol. I have male friends who do the same, they stereotype all women as being the same after a negative experience with one.


You have summed it up. "Cats and Dogs living together, mass hysteria!"(Stripes) They say that men are dogs and women are cats.
If dogs had opposable thumbs they would help you with the yard work.
If cats had opposable thumbs they would steal your car.(just kidding)
Everyone has a bad relationship or maybe two. Hopefully they learned from the them. Not all cats and dogs get along-but some do. You gotta find some common ground-mutual respect. Sometimes when people start falling for each other, common sense goes out the window. Some call this love. In our "gotta have it now" society, people tend to ignore the signs, what they know to be true-this person may not be right for me.
It is my humble opinion that LONGER courtships would prevent a lot of bad marriages. They need to take their time getting to know someone. If after a year the guy is still opening the door for you, might be a keeper. If after a year she still appreciates the fact that you opened the door for her, might be a keeper. It does take effort to make all of it work. If it is a bad fit-don't commit!
Women tend to think they can change a guy. Some are trainable, sure. Men tend to get comfortable and ignore women's emotional needs. Lets face it, women are more emotional than men. Goes back to the effort thing. Cannot let things go stagnant. By the way, during football season you're on your own!!!:biggrin:

Hayvern
06-05-2011, 05:33 PM
I'm doing some research into the differences between men and women that will help me help others through my volunteer counseling efforts.

I've noticed some men and women seem to be chauvinistic against the opposite sex, especially if they've had a negative experience. For instance, I have female friends who bash men in general, some are worse about it than others, but they have one common unity...a bad relationship, either existing or ended. They continue to have relationships with men even though they bash them, so they're contradictory in that aspect, lol. I have male friends who do the same, they stereotype all women as being the same after a negative experience with one.

Personally, my brain doesn't work like that...I probably have more reason to be bitter, angry, and hateful towards men than most women I know who bash men. However...I've never felt like that, I judge each person I cross paths with individually, male or female. Another contradiction is most women & men have had bad relationship experiences with those of their own gender sex also...be it a rival, x -friend, co-worker, whomever. They don't throw their own gender into a category of all being bad like they do when having a negative experience with the opposite gender.

So, if you don't mind participating in my research efforts I'd like to know your general observations of the differences between the genders in personality & behavior. If you're a woman...what negative traits in men do you see as being universal in all men? If you're a man...what negative traits of women do you see as all being the same?

It seems to me to be about the baggage you bring with you to the relationship. In my experience, women tend to be more vocal about the baggage they bring. Men on the other hand, they have baggage, but you do not find out about until 6 or 8 months into the relationship.

This usually ends up in one of the following ways:

1. The guy gets wind of the baggage early on, and dumps the woman. Usually, they have had sex and the woman is thinking things are going perfectly, just to end up dumped with no real reason given. (guys don't want to list the faults they see in you, they just want you gone.)

2. The guy can handle the baggage so he decides to stick it out a while. The woman, however, starts to get an idea of the man she has. Men come with baggage, just like women do, ours is just harder to get out of us. After a while, the woman starts to understand the baggage the guy has and a couple of additional things start to happen.


1. She thinks she can change him, so she starts nagging him about the small things, like hanging out with his friends, watching too much football, leaving the toilet seat up. When these smaller things do not change, then she starts nagging on larger things, the money he spends, the amount of beer he drinks.

This never works out, especially with older guys that do not have to put up with it. This is about the only break up, where a guy really gets pissed enough to hate all women over it.

2. The women gets smart and leaves him over his baggage, guys do not freak out too much about this one as long as the woman does not try to do the "change" thing before it happens.

We guys are really a pretty simple group, we like sex and food, and some of us are into sports and toys. My wife and I learned to live with one another a long time ago. She lets me have some freedoms, I let her have hers, we have been married so long though that the baggage each of us carry is shared baggage.

She got me early enough that she has me trained the way she wants me, and I her.

Ultimately it boils down to one thing, you are never going to change the other person, so you should be careful not to share your bed with another person until you know if that is the person you are OK with. Old-fashioned I know.

Anyway, that is my take on the subject anyway.

Chiefster
06-07-2011, 03:35 AM
YouTube - ‪1-Tale of Two Brains-01.mp4‬‏

YouTube - ‪1-Tale of Two Brains-02.mp4‬‏

A bit of a different perspective.

honda522
06-07-2011, 12:23 PM
I don't know if this is what your looking for but I see girls between the ages of 16 and probably 24 or so texting while they are driving. That $h!t just pisses me off.

tornadospotter
06-07-2011, 05:23 PM
YouTube - ‪1-Tale of Two Brains-01.mp4‬‏ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiFsFwY3uG8)

YouTube - ‪1-Tale of Two Brains-02.mp4‬‏ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMZfCHdE4AE&NR)

A bit of a different perspective.
So very true. I now know why! I never remember things my wife swears she told me, now if I can only get her to understand that, no I did not hear you and this is why.:smile

Seek
06-07-2011, 10:47 PM
I can't stand the women that wear very revealing outfits, and then get upset about guys looking at the their chest.

I also hate the comment that women make about having to put make up on to look good for us, and we don't have to do anything. I am not the one who puts that crap on your face hiding your blimishes.

AkChief49
06-08-2011, 01:54 PM
So very true. I now know why! I never remember things my wife swears she told me, now if I can only get her to understand that, no I did not hear you and this is why.:smile
what?eh?

Chiefster
06-08-2011, 09:00 PM
So very true. I now know why! I never remember things my wife swears she told me, now if I can only get her to understand that, no I did not hear you and this is why.:smile

Eggsactly! :lol:

tornadospotter
06-08-2011, 10:05 PM
what?eh?
Watch the vids, or was you in your nothing box?
I love my nothing box!:yahoo:

Chiefster
06-08-2011, 11:33 PM
Watch the vids, or was you in your nothing box?
I love my nothing box!:yahoo:

Yup, my nothing box is my sanctuary. :D

matthewschiefs
06-09-2011, 11:34 PM
One of the biggest differences I see is women seem to take things more personal then men. Guys will walk up and say F you to there buddies and will have a good time just throwing out insults at each other. You don't see that alot in women.

N TX Dave
06-10-2011, 01:56 AM
To sum it up real short
Women marry men hoping he will change. While a man marries a women hoping she doesn't change.

Connie Jo
06-11-2011, 12:46 AM
Oh, these are GREAT y'all!! YES!! This is what I'm looking for Honda & everyone! Thank you!

I know books exist explaining 'expert' opinions on the differences between the genders, I've read some, also many articles online from so called experts & research universities. I don't want 'expert' 2nd hand opinions, I need relationship opinions from men & women straight from them, not some so called expert who polled, or talked to people I have no idea as to how they chose & categorized those people interviewed in their studies.

I'm really having a tough time figuring out how to help some people I offer emotional support to...to stop stereotyping all men and women as being one in the same. Yes, every man has some basic similarities, as well as every woman...but not every 'individual' is one in the same with habits, addictions, hobbies, interests, passions, general behavior overall.

I talk to some women for instance...who think ALL men have abusive tendencies, foul mouths towards women, and also believe all are 'players'...not sincere & honest. I don't help as many men as I do women...just a few guys, but they tend to think ALL women are shopoholics, hate sports, and also not sincere & honest! Well, if a man is a fan of a sports complaining ALL women hate sports...wouldn't he naturally notice how many women attend sporting events in our modern society? I've found many beliefs both men and women have about one another simply don't hold true in today's society, rather that of 40-50 yrs. ago (as a time example). Our society seems to have evolved without our stereotyping beliefs of the opposite sex evolving as well.

Anyway...if it's true all people carry 'emotional baggage' allowing it to affect their relationship...it's no wonder so many relationships fail these days. Somehow men and women both need help changing their belief that the 'next' relationship is NOT with the same person their 'emotional baggage' originated from. They need to learn to let go, and learn not to stereotype all men and women as being one in the same. They also need to learn that genders have evolved just as drastically as our society has...and neither sex can be defined as it was generations ago. :/

Connie Jo
06-11-2011, 12:56 AM
Just a FYI...I read a research article the other day related to relationships. Did you know that many so called research experts say that if the current trend continues in divorce, that 25th & 50th anniversaries could become extinct once my generation expires?!!!!! Imagine that...no 25th or 50th wedding anniversaries, that's so sad I think. :(

The number one current cause of divorce is infidelity/adultry. That's an entirely different relationship subject though. I believe if men and women can learn to accept and respect our natural differences, as well as respect that it doesn't matter what sex someone is...above everything else...that they are a unique individual...there wouldn't be as much infidelity. We become who we are as a person due to many factors...genetic, childhood upbringing, education, and life experiences...to name the main factors influencing who we are.

Another major issue affecting relationships in today's society is...with each year the number of people suffering from various forms of depression, addictions, financial difficulties, & more negative factors...are increasing, some at epidemic levels. Think of how many people are diagnosed now each year as being Bi-Polar, ADHD, OCD, etc.. :/

Connie Jo
06-11-2011, 02:10 AM
It seems to me to be about the baggage you bring with you to the relationship. In my experience, women tend to be more vocal about the baggage they bring. Men on the other hand, they have baggage, but you do not find out about until 6 or 8 months into the relationship.

This usually ends up in one of the following ways:

1. The guy gets wind of the baggage early on, and dumps the woman. Usually, they have had sex and the woman is thinking things are going perfectly, just to end up dumped with no real reason given. (guys don't want to list the faults they see in you, they just want you gone.)

2. The guy can handle the baggage so he decides to stick it out a while. The woman, however, starts to get an idea of the man she has. Men come with baggage, just like women do, ours is just harder to get out of us. After a while, the woman starts to understand the baggage the guy has and a couple of additional things start to happen.


1. She thinks she can change him, so she starts nagging him about the small things, like hanging out with his friends, watching too much football, leaving the toilet seat up. When these smaller things do not change, then she starts nagging on larger things, the money he spends, the amount of beer he drinks.



This never works out, especially with older guys that do not have to put up with it. This is about the only break up, where a guy really gets pissed enough to hate all women over it.



2. The women gets smart and leaves him over his baggage, guys do not freak out too much about this one as long as the woman does not try to do the "change" thing before it happens.

We guys are really a pretty simple group, we like sex and food, and some of us are into sports and toys. My wife and I learned to live with one another a long time ago. She lets me have some freedoms, I let her have hers, we have been married so long though that the baggage each of us carry is shared baggage.

She got me early enough that she has me trained the way she wants me, and I her.

Ultimately it boils down to one thing, you are never going to change the other person, so you should be careful not to share your bed with another person until you know if that is the person you are OK with. Old-fashioned I know.

Anyway, that is my take on the subject anyway.

I agree with every word you've said above, not just the purple highlighted parts, haha...but will comment on the purple comments last. Anyway, I know your opinions are accurate, as I've dealt with many on both gender sides trying to help them of which substantiates all you've said.

Let me tell guys here something about a majority of women in our society today, that some of you may not be aware of...women too are often "players"...toying with mens hearts, so to speak. Many women also dump men without explanation, or give a dishonest one..also just wanting him gone, as Vern said relating to men. Some women will dump a man without explanation because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, just depends upon the women's personality I suppose. A large number, if not a majority....of women today tend do many of the same negative things they claim to dislike so much about men...including dump a man without giving a reason, & many (too many) also 'cheat' in their relationships. I suppose that old saying has taken hold with many women..."what's good for the goose is good for the gander too." :(

On a personal note...I'm "old fashioned" as you call it Vern, lol. I'm an open person about my life publicly to some extent. I'm naturally a 'people person'...not one to have many 'secrets' or 'skeletons'. I also need to be open publicly with some personal aspects of my life, so those struggling emotionally that I help will relate to me. If they don't know about 'me' and my similar personal experiences...they won't relate & approach breaking their silence.

So, I'm comfortable with saying as a woman, I personally don't have to worry about becoming intimate with a man prior to becoming familiar with existing "baggage". I know it's not easy to believe in today's sexually free society, but I've only been with ONE man intimately my entire life...my x husband. Yet, I've been single/divorced more or less since April 2009, over 2 yrs..

I know myself well, and unless I have spent enough time with a man getting to know him to the point of feeling 'love' for him...I won't desire intimacy. I can't emotionally or morally do one night stands. I don't need marriage, but I need to feel love in my heart & feel that I'm loved back to desire intimacy. If mutual love never happens again in what remains of my lifespan...I'm okay with that, my self respect isn't worth sacrificing for short term intimacy without 'love'. Nor do I have any desire to find out after the fact that I've been exposed to an STD! :/

tornadospotter
06-12-2011, 01:28 AM
Your spouse is suppose to be your help mate in life, always supporting, and helping you, but that goes deeper than just house hold chores, or even outside chores. It goes into being financially helpful, in dealing with finical issues. My personal experience is females expect there men to provide for them the way there fathers did. When times are tough then it is the Males fault! We must spend this on each christmas gift for each child. We must buy a gift for this person. Then there is birthdays presents and ect. With know thought to how it factors into ability to provide basic needs of the family. Just spend away!

tornadospotter
06-12-2011, 01:47 AM
I am now going into my nothing box.

Connie Jo
06-12-2011, 03:14 AM
Your spouse is suppose to be your help mate in life, always supporting, and helping you, but that goes deeper than just house hold chores, or even outside chores. It goes into being financially helpful, in dealing with finical issues. My personal experience is females expect there men to provide for them the way there fathers did. When times are tough then it is the Males fault! We must spend this on each christmas gift for each child. We must buy a gift for this person. Then there is birthdays presents and ect. With know thought to how it factors into ability to provide basic needs of the family. Just spend away!

Well, I assume then you are one of the many men who have a belief that women in general are shopaholics? hahaha

Honestly, I do know that many women indeed spend too much money, their own earned and that of their husbands. However, I also know many men who spend too much money. A spending habit of either spouse is okay as long as it's not risking financial security and not causing conflict. Nothing material is more worthy than a person/spouse.

Women are natural caregivers, so it's a natural desire of most women to 'give' gifts to those they care about for special occasions. That is likely one of the natural traits of women that many men don't comprehend. It's not that all women are frivilous, it's that they naturally care & desire to give care, including in the form of gifts. That said however, a wife should be giving to her husbands needs first & foremost, just as he should be hers. She should be aware of his needs as well, and as such know if gift giving is a burden upon her husband, find ways to compensate that will fulfill her natural desire to give, yet not burden her husband. IE: handmake gifts, write a special poem, do a special deed as a gift. There are ways to give gifts without necessarily spending money.

In my opinion, our society overall...men, women, adults, kids...have fallen victim to retail marketing/propaganda/media, and as such have lost the true spirit of special occasions and holidays. Christmas spending in our society is out of control as far as I'm concerned. One year I suggested to our entire family, including extended...that we handmake our gifts to one another instead of spend money to buy. Oh my gawd...by their negative reactions you would've thought I asked them to give up their life, hahaha. Needless to say my idea was out voted, haha. Still, I personally chose to hand make my gifts that year...and to this day handmake many of my Christmas gifts. If they don't appreciate a gift from my heart...it's their loss, not mine. ;)

Connie Jo
06-12-2011, 04:01 AM
I might also note...that I've found in most marriages women are the shoppers for the family & home, as many men don't enjoy shopping. Well, when men don't become involved with the shopping it's difficult for them to comprehend the realistic costs involved.

I'll give an example...recently a male friend of many years asked me if I would help a male friend of his with decorating his home. His friend is recently divorced and in an effort to distract himself from the negative emotion...wants to re-do the home he & his former wife shared. I agreed to help the man as a favor to our mutual friend & drove to his house last Sunday for a consult. I asked the man what he had in mind for a budget with re-doing his kitchen, living room and entrance foyer. He told me approximately $800.00. I asked him what his expectations were from that $800.00. He told me the following:

1) Re-structure his upholstered sofa & loveseat, as the cushions are broken down.
2) Buy decorative accessories and wall decor for all rooms.
3) For his home to have a 'wow' impact when guests entered.
4) New window treatments for all rooms.
5) Cover all my fuel expenses.
6) My time spent (fees) searching for all decorative & other renovation materials needed.
7) My labor required for renovating all rooms.
8) All material costs

The man lives 45 miles from me...one round trip to his home costs me $25 in fuel. Materials to restructure his sofa & loveseat will cost approximately $100...labor about 8 hrs.. Upholsters average $25 per hr...I would only charge him $15...@ 8 hrs. = $120. Total cost to restructure his sofa/loveseat = $245. Quality drapery fabric & lining will average $25 per yard...he has many windows, would need about 30 yds = $750. 30 hrs of [below average rate] labor @ $15 per hour creating/sewing the window treatments and a couple hrs. to install = $480 plus $25 fuel. Total cost of window treatments = $1255.00 We're now at a cost of $1500 and only made a dent in his expectations list. Basically, no way in heck will an $800 budget even come close to his expectations. I'm walking away, I'm creative & know how to make design/renovation dollars stretch, but I can't accomplish the impossible, lol.

The man doesn't have a clue, told me his x wife did all the home decorating in the past. I remember yrs. ago watching a Dr. Phil show on this very issue. Dr. Phil asked the couple to do all their shopping together for a certain time period. When the couple returned a few wks later the husband had an entirely different outlook on 'costs' related to groceries, etc.. He understood then that his wife wasn't overspending intentionally or frivilously, rather doing the best she could to meet their shopping needs on as little money as possible.

tornadospotter
06-13-2011, 12:54 AM
I might also note...that I've found in most marriages women are the shoppers for the family & home, as many men don't enjoy shopping. Well, when men don't become involved with the shopping it's difficult for them to comprehend the realistic costs involved.

I'll give an example...recently a male friend of many years asked me if I would help a male friend of his with decorating his home. His friend is recently divorced and in an effort to distract himself from the negative emotion...wants to re-do the home he & his former wife shared. I agreed to help the man as a favor to our mutual friend & drove to his house last Sunday for a consult. I asked the man what he had in mind for a budget with re-doing his kitchen, living room and entrance foyer. He told me approximately $800.00. I asked him what his expectations were from that $800.00. He told me the following:

1) Re-structure his upholstered sofa & loveseat, as the cushions are broken down.
2) Buy decorative accessories and wall decor for all rooms.
3) For his home to have a 'wow' impact when guests entered.
4) New window treatments for all rooms.
5) Cover all my fuel expenses.
6) My time spent (fees) searching for all decorative & other renovation materials needed.
7) My labor required for renovating all rooms.
8) All material costs

The man lives 45 miles from me...one round trip to his home costs me $25 in fuel. Materials to restructure his sofa & loveseat will cost approximately $100...labor about 8 hrs.. Upholsters average $25 per hr...I would only charge him $15...@ 8 hrs. = $120. Total cost to restructure his sofa/loveseat = $245. Quality drapery fabric & lining will average $25 per yard...he has many windows, would need about 30 yds = $750. 30 hrs of [below average rate] labor @ $15 per hour creating/sewing the window treatments and a couple hrs. to install = $480 plus $25 fuel. Total cost of window treatments = $1255.00 We're now at a cost of $1500 and only made a dent in his expectations list. Basically, no way in heck will an $800 budget even come close to his expectations. I'm walking away, I'm creative & know how to make design/renovation dollars stretch, but I can't accomplish the impossible, lol.

The man doesn't have a clue, told me his x wife did all the home decorating in the past. I remember yrs. ago watching a Dr. Phil show on this very issue. Dr. Phil asked the couple to do all their shopping together for a certain time period. When the couple returned a few wks later the husband had an entirely different outlook on 'costs' related to groceries, etc.. He understood then that his wife wasn't overspending intentionally or frivilously, rather doing the best she could to meet their shopping needs on as little money as possible.
I think I could, but it might mean the difference of three brains, the third brain being a redneck. :D

Seek
06-13-2011, 02:55 PM
I might also note...that I've found in most marriages women are the shoppers for the family & home, as many men don't enjoy shopping. Well, when men don't become involved with the shopping it's difficult for them to comprehend the realistic costs involved.

I'll give an example...recently a male friend of many years asked me if I would help a male friend of his with decorating his home. His friend is recently divorced and in an effort to distract himself from the negative emotion...wants to re-do the home he & his former wife shared. I agreed to help the man as a favor to our mutual friend & drove to his house last Sunday for a consult. I asked the man what he had in mind for a budget with re-doing his kitchen, living room and entrance foyer. He told me approximately $800.00. I asked him what his expectations were from that $800.00. He told me the following:

1) Re-structure his upholstered sofa & loveseat, as the cushions are broken down.
2) Buy decorative accessories and wall decor for all rooms.
3) For his home to have a 'wow' impact when guests entered.
4) New window treatments for all rooms.
5) Cover all my fuel expenses.
6) My time spent (fees) searching for all decorative & other renovation materials needed.
7) My labor required for renovating all rooms.
8) All material costs

The man lives 45 miles from me...one round trip to his home costs me $25 in fuel. Materials to restructure his sofa & loveseat will cost approximately $100...labor about 8 hrs.. Upholsters average $25 per hr...I would only charge him $15...@ 8 hrs. = $120. Total cost to restructure his sofa/loveseat = $245. Quality drapery fabric & lining will average $25 per yard...he has many windows, would need about 30 yds = $750. 30 hrs of [below average rate] labor @ $15 per hour creating/sewing the window treatments and a couple hrs. to install = $480 plus $25 fuel. Total cost of window treatments = $1255.00 We're now at a cost of $1500 and only made a dent in his expectations list. Basically, no way in heck will an $800 budget even come close to his expectations. I'm walking away, I'm creative & know how to make design/renovation dollars stretch, but I can't accomplish the impossible, lol.

The man doesn't have a clue, told me his x wife did all the home decorating in the past. I remember yrs. ago watching a Dr. Phil show on this very issue. Dr. Phil asked the couple to do all their shopping together for a certain time period. When the couple returned a few wks later the husband had an entirely different outlook on 'costs' related to groceries, etc.. He understood then that his wife wasn't overspending intentionally or frivilously, rather doing the best she could to meet their shopping needs on as little money as possible.

Okay one thing that bothers me. Not sure if this is related to all women or not, but it is along the lines of your post.

I spent Hours and Hours finishing my basement. I get it all done, and spent about 4K. It looked great. I spent days hangins sheet rock, mudding, sanding, mudding, sanding, and painting these walls all to save a lot of money. We saved a couple thousad with me doing the work.

Then I come home one day and there is two ugly ace pictures hanging from my walls. I hate them and openly complain about how much I hate them. I ask her to take them back, but I am told about how great of a deal they were and just needed to let them grow on me. So the deal was 25% off and she spent 400 dollars on both pictures. I still hate the stupid pictures, but they still hang there today, because she loves them. I liked the nice open wall that I spent hours perfecting, yet she wanted to add warmth and color and spent a third of the savings I made by doing the work myself and made the room ugly cluttered. I would rather have taken that 400 bucks and invested it into something of use, like maybe a new TV, or sound system. No some work of art my 6 years sold could have created.

AkChief49
06-13-2011, 06:26 PM
Okay one thing that bothers me. Not sure if this is related to all women or not, but it is along the lines of your post.

I spent Hours and Hours finishing my basement. I get it all done, and spent about 4K. It looked great. I spent days hangins sheet rock, mudding, sanding, mudding, sanding, and painting these walls all to save a lot of money. We saved a couple thousad with me doing the work.

Then I come home one day and there is two ugly ace pictures hanging from my walls. I hate them and openly complain about how much I hate them. I ask her to take them back, but I am told about how great of a deal they were and just needed to let them grow on me. So the deal was 25% off and she spent 400 dollars on both pictures. I still hate the stupid pictures, but they still hang there today, because she loves them. I liked the nice open wall that I spent hours perfecting, yet she wanted to add warmth and color and spent a third of the savings I made by doing the work myself and made the room ugly cluttered. I would rather have taken that 400 bucks and invested it into something of use, like maybe a new TV, or sound system. No some work of art my 6 years sold could have created.
this is why the wife and I made a pact before we were married. Neither of us were allowed to spend >$100.00 on any item without discussing it first!

Connie Jo
06-13-2011, 11:30 PM
Okay one thing that bothers me. Not sure if this is related to all women or not, but it is along the lines of your post.

I spent Hours and Hours finishing my basement. I get it all done, and spent about 4K. It looked great. I spent days hangins sheet rock, mudding, sanding, mudding, sanding, and painting these walls all to save a lot of money. We saved a couple thousad with me doing the work.

Then I come home one day and there is two ugly ace pictures hanging from my walls. I hate them and openly complain about how much I hate them. I ask her to take them back, but I am told about how great of a deal they were and just needed to let them grow on me. So the deal was 25% off and she spent 400 dollars on both pictures. I still hate the stupid pictures, but they still hang there today, because she loves them. I liked the nice open wall that I spent hours perfecting, yet she wanted to add warmth and color and spent a third of the savings I made by doing the work myself and made the room ugly cluttered. I would rather have taken that 400 bucks and invested it into something of use, like maybe a new TV, or sound system. No some work of art my 6 years sold could have created.

Ummmm...I don't know if I should reply, haha. Since I know your wife and you both 'somewhat', and also like you both, haha. If I reply honestly, are you gonna tell her what I said? LOL I wouldn't want to initiate a conflict with a reply!! :/

Women have a 'natural' desire to turn a house into a home, most of us anyway. This is even true in wildlife. IE: Research studies have discovered some species of female birds 'intentionally' decorate nests with wildflowers, will discard items from nests if not 'right' by their eye, & so on...seriously!! There's nothing wrong with a womans natural desire to decorate a home, and most men are appreciative of that natural trait in women, they want their homes to be attractive and comfortable also.

Where it becomes a problem and conflict arises however, is when women don't give their mate an opportunity to contribute his decorative thoughts, or ignore them & refuse to find a happy medium, or compromise. I don't think many women understand that decorating a home and personal style reflected can be just as important to many men. I also know many women falsely assume men have no taste when it relates to decorating a home, which could not be further from the truth. Some men genuinely don't care one way or another, but I know for a fact many men do care. I've often suggested to women that they include their mates in decorating choices when I happen to know it matters to that man in particular. It's his home too after all.

Obviously you prefer the pictures not be hung where they are...you're entitled to that preference and your personal style, just as is your wife. So...the only solution is to reach a compromise when having such a conflict. Often 'approach' with communication can make a huge difference with whether or not a happy solution occurs. I don't know how the two of you discussed the issue. One approach would be to kindly & gently explain to your wife why you would prefer the pictures not be hung where they are, letting her know that it is a legitimate issue of importance to you. Let her know you understand she loves them however, but ask her if she would please consider hanging them some place else in the house that you would be more comfortable with.

In your case it's after the fact, but the ideal solution would've been for the two of you to discuss options before the pictures were purchased. When matters like this are important to both spouses, it's best you try to keep an open mind and work together...finding a solution you can both be happy with, each one giving just a little. There's always a solution, it's just a matter of being willing to put forth the effort to find it. If reaching a compromise for whatever reason isn't possible, then one or the other has to decide if the matter is important enough to take a stand and possibly cause hard feelings, or conflict. :/

tornadospotter
06-14-2011, 12:33 AM
Okay one thing that bothers me. Not sure if this is related to all women or not, but it is along the lines of your post.

I spent Hours and Hours finishing my basement. I get it all done, and spent about 4K. It looked great. I spent days hangins sheet rock, mudding, sanding, mudding, sanding, and painting these walls all to save a lot of money. We saved a couple thousad with me doing the work.

Then I come home one day and there is two ugly ace pictures hanging from my walls. I hate them and openly complain about how much I hate them. I ask her to take them back, but I am told about how great of a deal they were and just needed to let them grow on me. So the deal was 25% off and she spent 400 dollars on both pictures. I still hate the stupid pictures, but they still hang there today, because she loves them. I liked the nice open wall that I spent hours perfecting, yet she wanted to add warmth and color and spent a third of the savings I made by doing the work myself and made the room ugly cluttered. I would rather have taken that 400 bucks and invested it into something of use, like maybe a new TV, or sound system. No some work of art my 6 years sold could have created.
Sell the pictures, and then buy the TV. :D

Connie Jo
06-14-2011, 12:51 AM
Sell the pictures, and then buy the TV. :D

Sadly, they likely wouldn't be able to sell them for an amount even 1/2 of what was paid. :/

Connie Jo
06-14-2011, 03:58 AM
this is why the wife and I made a pact before we were married. Neither of us were allowed to spend >$100.00 on any item without discussing it first!

This is GREAT!! All couples should make it clear to one another what is expected when it comes to finances. Many arguments occur in relationships over finances. In my marriage we kept our income separate for 26 yrs of marriage. Each of us were responsible for certain jointly benefiting expenses. For example...he was responsible for paying taxes & insurances for our home out of his income...I was responsible for the cost of all our clothing needs...mine, his, kids, as well as, responsible for costs related to all family birthdays, weddings, holidays, etc.. My income for a good part of our marriage was greater than his, so I was often also responsible for home improvement & maintenance costs.

The last 10 yrs. of our 36 yr. marriage I retired to work at home daily...building & finishing our empty nester, caring for him and family in general...such as hosting all family events & holidays at our home. It was his idea originally for us to sell the house we raised our kids in, build a more energy efficient & maintenance free home in the country. I was in agreement, as it was a wise & feasible decision for that era of our life. With my no longer contributing a weekly income, we agreed upon a certain amount he would give me each week from his income. I was to cover all household & personal expenses for us & family out of that amount.

It worked out okay for quite a while, but things began changing after he suffered a heart attack scare in Feb. 2007, began having emotional breakdowns, drinking heavily, turned abusive...began spending frivilously too, financially irresponsible, he made alot of bad choices. Such is life sometimes...I finally ended it for my own well being, moved on & began rebuilding my life. :)

Seek
06-14-2011, 10:26 AM
Ummmm...I don't know if I should reply, haha. Since I know your wife and you both 'somewhat', and also like you both, haha. If I reply honestly, are you gonna tell her what I said? LOL I wouldn't want to initiate a conflict with a reply!! :/

Women have a 'natural' desire to turn a house into a home, most of us anyway. This is even true in wildlife. IE: Research studies have discovered some species of female birds 'intentionally' decorate nests with wildflowers, will discard items from nests if not 'right' by their eye, & so on...seriously!! There's nothing wrong with a womans natural desire to decorate a home, and most men are appreciative of that natural trait in women, they want their homes to be attractive and comfortable also.

Where it becomes a problem and conflict arises however, is when women don't give their mate an opportunity to contribute his decorative thoughts, or ignore them & refuse to find a happy medium, or compromise. I don't think many women understand that decorating a home and personal style reflected can be just as important to many men. I also know many women falsely assume men have no taste when it relates to decorating a home, which could not be further from the truth. Some men genuinely don't care one way or another, but I know for a fact many men do care. I've often suggested to women that they include their mates in decorating choices when I happen to know it matters to that man in particular. It's his home too after all.

Obviously you prefer the pictures not be hung where they are...you're entitled to that preference and your personal style, just as is your wife. So...the only solution is to reach a compromise when having such a conflict. Often 'approach' with communication can make a huge difference with whether or not a happy solution occurs. I don't know how the two of you discussed the issue. One approach would be to kindly & gently explain to your wife why you would prefer the pictures not be hung where they are, letting her know that it is a legitimate issue of importance to you. Let her know you understand she loves them however, but ask her if she would please consider hanging them some place else in the house that you would be more comfortable with.

In your case it's after the fact, but the ideal solution would've been for the two of you to discuss options before the pictures were purchased. When matters like this are important to both spouses, it's best you try to keep an open mind and work together...finding a solution you can both be happy with, each one giving just a little. There's always a solution, it's just a matter of being willing to put forth the effort to find it. If reaching a compromise for whatever reason isn't possible, then one or the other has to decide if the matter is important enough to take a stand and possibly cause hard feelings, or conflict. :/

Oh we reached a pact, before we got married. The rule was nothing over 200 can be purchased with out discussions. They are still hanging, and I still whine about how ugly they are and she always says well then lets find something else to replace it and that ends that discussion. I blame my mother in law. She bought them with her, and everytime something new shows up in our house that I absolutely hate, she bought it with her mother. Oddly everything I hate seems to have the Mother In Law taste to it. There has been times my wife brought stuff home, knowing I was going to hate it, but did it just because her mother thought we had to have it. There has been a couple lawn ornaments come home that I instantly threw back in her car. The house is one thing, but it is my lawn. Keep your stupid pin wheel flowers off of it. My wife laughed knowing there was no chance. Funny thing is, my mother in law asked where it was...

AkChief49
06-14-2011, 07:22 PM
Oh we reached a pact, before we got married. The rule was nothing over 200 can be purchased with out discussions. They are still hanging, and I still whine about how ugly they are and she always says well then lets find something else to replace it and that ends that discussion. I blame my mother in law. She bought them with her, and everytime something new shows up in our house that I absolutely hate, she bought it with her mother. Oddly everything I hate seems to have the Mother In Law taste to it. There has been times my wife brought stuff home, knowing I was going to hate it, but did it just because her mother thought we had to have it. There has been a couple lawn ornaments come home that I instantly threw back in her car. The house is one thing, but it is my lawn. Keep your stupid pin wheel flowers off of it. My wife laughed knowing there was no chance. Funny thing is, my mother in law asked where it was...
Amen brother,amen.

Connie Jo
06-14-2011, 11:39 PM
Oh we reached a pact, before we got married. The rule was nothing over 200 can be purchased with out discussions. They are still hanging, and I still whine about how ugly they are and she always says well then lets find something else to replace it and that ends that discussion. I blame my mother in law. She bought them with her, and everytime something new shows up in our house that I absolutely hate, she bought it with her mother. Oddly everything I hate seems to have the Mother In Law taste to it. There has been times my wife brought stuff home, knowing I was going to hate it, but did it just because her mother thought we had to have it. There has been a couple lawn ornaments come home that I instantly threw back in her car. The house is one thing, but it is my lawn. Keep your stupid pin wheel flowers off of it. My wife laughed knowing there was no chance. Funny thing is, my mother in law asked where it was...

Yeah, that's touchy when a relative gives you something & it's not really 'you', haha. I usually find a way of not displaying it and giving a reason why that won't hurt their feelings...such as, well, I don't want it to get ruined, or am afraid the sun will damage it. Sometimes 'white lies' are okay if needing to spare someones feelings. :/

Connie Jo
06-14-2011, 11:48 PM
My mom gives me clothes & accessories that are so far from my style, lol. You'd think after all these years she'd 'know' her own daughter, as my style hasn't evolved much since school days, lol. She bought a bright turquoise gawdy purse at a sale somewhere for me a couple yrs. ago. I guess my facial expression revealed I didn't care for it much, she said, "I thought turquoise was your favorite color"...I said, "no, red has been my favorite color for years, but I do love turquoise stone jewelry mom, not necessarily every thing in turquoise color, I'm sorry." She got mad. :/

Seek
06-15-2011, 11:19 AM
Yeah, that's touchy when a relative gives you something & it's not really 'you', haha. I usually find a way of not displaying it and giving a reason why that won't hurt their feelings...such as, well, I don't want it to get ruined, or am afraid the sun will damage it. Sometimes 'white lies' are okay if needing to spare someones feelings. :/

That is not me. I am openly honest to a fault. I will tell them to that they are wasting their money and to stop it. If I wanted a stupid flower pin wheel in my yard, it would alredy be there. If I am going to put some stupid Lawn Ornament in my yard, it would something more along the lines of a Warning sign stating that our house is protected by GLOCK. (for Canada)

If you want to plant flowers okay, but if I hate that flower there is a good chance I accidently weed eat it or over spray with the round up.

Connie Jo
06-16-2011, 03:01 AM
That is not me. I am openly honest to a fault. I will tell them to that they are wasting their money and to stop it. If I wanted a stupid flower pin wheel in my yard, it would alredy be there. If I am going to put some stupid Lawn Ornament in my yard, it would something more along the lines of a Warning sign stating that our house is protected by GLOCK. (for Canada)

If you want to plant flowers okay, but if I hate that flower there is a good chance I accidently weed eat it or over spray with the round up.

:lol:

matthewschiefs
06-16-2011, 03:13 AM
My mom gives me clothes & accessories that are so far from my style, lol. You'd think after all these years she'd 'know' her own daughter, as my style hasn't evolved much since school days, lol. She bought a bright turquoise gawdy purse at a sale somewhere for me a couple yrs. ago. I guess my facial expression revealed I didn't care for it much, she said, "I thought turquoise was your favorite color"...I said, "no, red has been my favorite color for years, but I do love turquoise stone jewelry mom, not necessarily every thing in turquoise color, I'm sorry." She got mad. :/


I'm lucky my family nos all i wear outside of work is chiefs gear. That's it that's the list. It's to the point my fiance looked at me and said in a dead serious voice "YOUR NOT GOING TO OUR WEDDING IN A CHIEFS JERSEY" I might have been a little depressed about that LOL

Connie Jo
06-16-2011, 04:03 AM
I'm lucky my family nos all i wear outside of work is chiefs gear. That's it that's the list. It's to the point my fiance looked at me and said in a dead serious voice "YOUR NOT GOING TO OUR WEDDING IN A CHIEFS JERSEY" I might have been a little depressed about that LOL

Yeah, my 'casual' or comfy around the house wear is majorily Chiefs t-shirts & sweats/shorts, I even wear Chiefs crocs, LOL. Going out on the town or partying though, I've worn nice jeans, blouse/shirt, cowboy boots, western/native style accessories for most of my adult life, & a large part of my younger years too. I'll wear a dress & dress shoes if I 'have' to, but it's rare, since most places we go now days wearing nice jeans/blouses is acceptable.

I don't foresee myself marrying again at this stage of life, but if I did...I'd get married at Arrowhead and have KC Wolf officiate, hahaha. HEY! Maybe you can convince your fiance' to let you wear a red shirt & yellow gold tie to your wedding if not a Chiefs jersey, haha. ;)