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prough91
01-20-2008, 05:01 PM
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.



The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.



Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.


"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.


"Yup."


"Where did he go?"


"Your house."

hermhater
01-20-2008, 05:21 PM
:lol:

Excellent prough!!!!


Very funny!

prough91
01-21-2008, 11:57 AM
This one reminded me of Chiefster:

Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to its oldest member. They ask him to tell his favorite hunting story, and he agrees.

“Well, back in 1944 in Africa,” the old man starts, “we went big-game hunting. Didn’t have much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting by a tree when I heard a noise. Next thing I know the biggest lion I’ve ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this…RO-A-A-R-R-R! Well, I just crapped my pants.”

The young men are amazed. One of them says, “I don’t blame you. I’d crap my pants too if a lion jumped at me like that!”

The old man shakes his head and says, “No, no, not then—just now when I said roar!”

hermhater
01-21-2008, 01:49 PM
:lol:

Keep 'em coming man!

Good stuff!

prough91
01-22-2008, 01:51 PM
Q: Why don’t they teach driver’s ed and sex ed on the same day in Canada?

A: They don’t want to wear out the moose.

Canada
01-22-2008, 01:52 PM
Q: Why don’t they teach driver’s ed and sex ed on the same day in Canada?

A: They don’t want to wear out the moose.

If only I could respond to that without getting an infraction!! :lol:

hermhater
01-22-2008, 01:55 PM
If only I could respond to that without getting an infraction!! :lol:

I guess only in Canada are the people tall enough to reach a moose butt!

:bananen_smilies046:

Canada
01-22-2008, 01:55 PM
Q. How do you break proughs finger?

A. Punch him in the nose!

Canada
01-22-2008, 01:56 PM
I guess only in Canada are the people tall enough to reach a moose butt!

:bananen_smilies046:

Well, yes we are all at least over 5'6" ...well the guys anyways!! :bananen_smilies046:

rbedgood
01-22-2008, 04:29 PM
Q. How do you break proughs finger?

A. Punch him in the nose!

Funny...

...lhowever the version I used to hear in Jr High was worse...I'll use TimSatt1 as the victim so as not to pick on an actual member of the site

How do you break TimSatt1's thumb?

Kick him in the a$$...

Canada
01-22-2008, 04:52 PM
Funny...

...lhowever the version I used to hear in Jr High was worse...I'll use TimSatt1 as the victim so as not to pick on an actual member of the site

How do you break TimSatt1's thumb?

Kick him in the a$$...

It also works with circumcision and a kick in the jaw!

prough91
01-23-2008, 04:58 PM
Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

anaeelbackwards
01-23-2008, 05:18 PM
Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. and have a beer or five.

my dad's favorite quote. FYP :welcome:

hermhater
01-23-2008, 05:57 PM
Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

:lol:


my dad's favorite quote. FYP :welcome:

:lol:

prough91
01-24-2008, 03:52 AM
2/24/2008

Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your butthole before prison…’”

Chiefster
01-24-2008, 05:04 AM
Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.


2/24/2008

Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your butthole before prison…’”

:lol::lol::lol::lol:


A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says: "So, why the long face?"

hermhater
01-24-2008, 01:51 PM
:lol::lol::lol::lol:


A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says: "So, why the long face?"

Funny!


A cop pulls over a guy.
"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"


:lol:

prough91
01-25-2008, 02:16 PM
1/25/2008

An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."


"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.


"And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."


Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.


"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."

hermhater
01-25-2008, 02:57 PM
1/25/2008

An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."


"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.


"And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."


Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.


"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."

:lol:

prough91
01-26-2008, 09:36 PM
1/26/2008

A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.


"My darling," he writes, "it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation’s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."


His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don’t you learn to play this?"


Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he says, "I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"


But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let’s see how well you play that harmonica."

hermhater
01-26-2008, 10:56 PM
Heh!

tornadospotter
01-26-2008, 11:04 PM
1/25/2008

An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."


"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.


"And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."


Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.


"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."
:yahoo: :wheelchair::11: one must remember that age has its advantages!

prough91
01-27-2008, 04:01 PM
1/27/2008

A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."

Chiefster
01-28-2008, 01:55 AM
RRRRR-EEEEEE-RRRRRR-EEEEEE!!!!!!

-A blond going through a flashing red light.

prough91
01-28-2008, 05:31 PM
1/28/2008

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”

The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.

“Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.

The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.

He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”

“That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar $1000 I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”

wahooforlife
01-28-2008, 06:49 PM
This guy runs up to a nun all frantic and scared.

He explains, "Listen, I'm being pursued by the Armed Forces for recruitment into the army and I don't want to go. I have a family and I don't want to be a part of the nonsense that is the war in Iraq. Could I please hide under your gown at least until they pass by?"

The nun replies, "Well, if you think it will work then I don't see it being a problem."

"Thanks a lot" he says, and he then proceeds to hide under her gown.

A few moments pass and then the Armed Forces drives by and casually waves at the nun.

"O.K....they're gone" she says.

"Phew" says the guy, "Thanks again, and by the way, while under your gown, I noticed that you have a beautiful set of legs and I felt the need to tell you."

"Well" the nun replies, "You should have looked up a little bit and you would have noticed that i have a nice set of balls too.........I don't want to go to Iraq either.":D

hermhater
01-28-2008, 07:32 PM
1/27/2008

A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."

Ha!


RRRRR-EEEEEE-RRRRRR-EEEEEE!!!!!!

-A blond going through a flashing red light.

Ha!


1/28/2008

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”

The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.

“Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.

The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.

He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”

“That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar $1000 I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”

Ha!

:bananen_smilies046:

hermhater
01-28-2008, 07:34 PM
This guy runs up to a nun all frantic and scared.

He explains, "Listen, I'm being pursued by the Armed Forces for recruitment into the army and I don't want to go. I have a family and I don't want to be a part of the nonsense that is the war in Iraq. Could I please hide under your gown at least until they pass by?"

The nun replies, "Well, if you think it will work then I don't see it being a problem."

"Thanks a lot" he says, and he then proceeds to hide under her gown.

A few moments pass and then the Armed Forces drives by and casually waves at the nun.

"O.K....they're gone" she says.

"Phew" says the guy, "Thanks again, and by the way, while under your gown, I noticed that you have a beautiful set of legs and I felt the need to tell you."

"Well" the nun replies, "You should have looked up a little bit and you would have noticed that i have a nice set of balls too.........I don't want to go to Iraq either.":D

Even Ha!-ier!

:lol:

Chiefster
01-29-2008, 12:05 AM
1/28/2008

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”

The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.

“Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.

The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.

He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”

“That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar $1000 I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

tammietailgator
01-29-2008, 11:39 PM
These are great jokes!!!! Keep it up!

:sign0098::lol::lol:

prough91
01-30-2008, 09:21 PM
1/30/2008

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.

“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.”


“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”


“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

Chiefster
01-30-2008, 10:20 PM
http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/01/350.jpg

hermhater
01-30-2008, 10:24 PM
1/30/2008

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.

“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.”


“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”


“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

My manhood feels frightened...




http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/01/350.jpg

That is more sad than funny...

Chiefster
01-30-2008, 10:27 PM
My manhood feels frightened...





That is more sad than funny...

Agreed.

anaeelbackwards
01-30-2008, 10:31 PM
http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/01/350.jpg

i dont know whether to laugh or agree. i dont know whether its cuz im drunk but i just don't get it.

:wheelchair::sign0153::beer::iamwithstupid::sign01 04::welcome:

hermhater
01-30-2008, 10:46 PM
i dont know whether to laugh or agree. i dont know whether its cuz im drunk but i just don't get it.

:wheelchair::sign0153::beer::iamwithstupid::sign01 04::welcome:

Because there is a "War on Christmas" happening in this politically correct world now girly!

:11:

Chiefster
01-30-2008, 10:47 PM
i dont know whether to laugh or agree. i dont know whether its cuz im drunk but i just don't get it.

:wheelchair::sign0153::beer::iamwithstupid::sign01 04::welcome:

That's ok; it's a political cartoon - the humor is always a bit dry. :D

Chiefster
01-30-2008, 10:48 PM
Because there is a "War on Christmas" happening in this politically correct world now girly!

:11:

Yep!

prough91
01-31-2008, 01:28 PM
1/31/2008

Joe and Bill are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing football and NASCAR.

All of a sudden Joe says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."

Bill sips his beer and says, "You better think it over, women like that are hard to find."

hermhater
01-31-2008, 09:25 PM
1/31/2008

Joe and Bill are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing football, specifically the Chiefs!

All of a sudden Joe says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."

Bill sips his beer and says, "You better think it over, women like that are hard to find."

FYP!

:yahoo: :bananen_smilies046:

IlovetheChiefs
01-31-2008, 11:31 PM
Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said no. And he lived happily ever after.
-------------------------------------------------


A man was in a skiing accident. In the hospital a doctor came to his bed and told him, "I have some good news and some bad news." "Give me the bad news first", the man said. "Well", replied the doctor, "I'm afraid we'll have to amputate both of your legs." "What??!!", exclaimed the man, "what could possibly be the good news, then??!!".
The doctor answered, "The guy in the next bed over there wants to buy your skis."
----------------------------------

One day the Chiefs decided to fire Herm Edwards. Herm was then soon interviewed by the Oakland Raiders. "So how do you feel about the prospect of coaching for a rival team now?" "Well", said Herm, "I like the Chiefs and they'll always have a special place in my heart, but as a Raider I would be solely for their best interests, of course. I mean, I was fond of the Jets, too, but, you know, you move on."
"Okay, but you say the Chiefs are always gong to have a special place in your heart. And yet this is the biggest rivalry in football. How are you going to really give it your all as a Raider when you play the Chiefs twice each year, if you still have such a fondness for them in your heart?"
"Well, I'll just have to GET OVER IT!"
---------------------------------------

hermhater
01-31-2008, 11:44 PM
Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said no. And he lived happily ever after.
-------------------------------------------------


A man was in a skiing accident. In the hospital a doctor came to his bed and told him, "I have some good news and some bad news." "Give me the bad news first", the man said. "Well", replied the doctor, "I'm afraid we'll have to amputate both of your legs." "What??!!", exclaimed the man, "what could possibly be the good news, then??!!".
The doctor answered, "The guy in the next bed over there wants to buy your skis."
----------------------------------

One day the Chiefs decided to fire Herm Edwards. Herm was then soon interviewed by the Oakland Raiders. "So how do you feel about the prospect of coaching for a rival team now?" "Well", said Herm, "I like the Chiefs and they'll always have a special place in my heart, but as a Raider I would be solely for their best interests, of course. I mean, I was fond of the Jets, too, but, you know, you move on."
"Okay, but you say the Chiefs are always gong to have a special place in your heart. And yet this is the biggest rivalry in football. How are you going to really give it your all as a Raider when you play the Chiefs twice each year, if you still have such a fondness for them in your heart?"
"Well, I'll just have to GET OVER IT!"
---------------------------------------


That last one wasn't funny.

I don't think I like Herm anymore.:D

IlovetheChiefs
01-31-2008, 11:47 PM
That last one wasn't funny.

I don't think I like Herm anymore.:D

Of course it wasn't funny because the first two were real jokes but I made up the Herm one :yahoo:

shaunx
02-02-2008, 01:37 AM
Yup the last one was yuck...anyways thanks for making me laugh...

IlovetheChiefs
02-02-2008, 07:27 AM
Yup the last one was yuck...anyways thanks for making me laugh...

You mean making you laugh with the the first two, then, right?

Yeah sorry for the yuck one. I have to stick to my day job! But I just wanted to include a joke that involved the Chiefs and I can't recall ever hearing such a joke. :p

Good thing for the Miami Dolphins this past season or Jay Leno may have had plenty of Chiefs jokes! May our team never be the brunt of the late night comics!

hermhater
02-02-2008, 01:20 PM
You mean making you laugh with the the first two, then, right?

Yeah sorry for the yuck one. I have to stick to my day job! But I just wanted to include a joke that involved the Chiefs and I can't recall ever hearing such a joke. :p

Good thing for the Miami Dolphins this past season or Jay Leno may have had plenty of Chiefs jokes! May our team never be the brunt of the late night comics!

That QB from Atlanta took the brunt of it from the comics!

Thanks for sucking worse than the Chiefs last year Miami, St. Louis, Atlanta and Oakland!

:yahoo:

IlovetheChiefs
02-02-2008, 05:14 PM
That QB from Atlanta took the brunt of it from the comics!

Thanks for sucking worse than the Chiefs last year Miami, St. Louis, Atlanta and Oakland!

:yahoo:

Oh yeah I forgot about Michael Sick and the hapless Falcons team!

It is sad that we lost to the Jets and therefore they didn't suck worse than us like those other 4 teams.

Canada
02-02-2008, 06:05 PM
Oh yeah I forgot about Michael Sick and the hapless Falcons team!

It is sad that we lost to the Jets and therefore they didn't suck worse than us like those other 4 teams.

I don't think that the Jets are a better team, they are a dumber team. Look where the win got them. We are picking 4/5 overall.

Chiefster
02-02-2008, 08:08 PM
Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said no. And he lived happily ever after.
-------------------------------------------------


A man was in a skiing accident. In the hospital a doctor came to his bed and told him, "I have some good news and some bad news." "Give me the bad news first", the man said. "Well", replied the doctor, "I'm afraid we'll have to amputate both of your legs." "What??!!", exclaimed the man, "what could possibly be the good news, then??!!".
The doctor answered, "The guy in the next bed over there wants to buy your skis."
----------------------------------

One day the Chiefs decided to fire Herm Edwards. Herm was then soon interviewed by the Oakland Raiders. "So how do you feel about the prospect of coaching for a rival team now?" "Well", said Herm, "I like the Chiefs and they'll always have a special place in my heart, but as a Raider I would be solely for their best interests, of course. I mean, I was fond of the Jets, too, but, you know, you move on."
"Okay, but you say the Chiefs are always gong to have a special place in your heart. And yet this is the biggest rivalry in football. How are you going to really give it your all as a Raider when you play the Chiefs twice each year, if you still have such a fondness for them in your heart?"
"Well, I'll just have to GET OVER IT!"
---------------------------------------

Al Davis is smarter then that.

Canada
02-02-2008, 09:30 PM
Al Davis is smarter then that.

No he isn't

Chiefster
02-02-2008, 09:38 PM
No he isn't

I guarantee you that only Carl Peterson is dumb enough to waste a forth round pick on the guy.

Canada
02-02-2008, 09:39 PM
I guarantee you that only Carl Peterson is dumb enough to waste a forth round pick on the guy.

Didn't Al Davis recently hire Art Shell?

hermhater
02-02-2008, 09:41 PM
Didn't Al Davis recently hire Art Shell?

I'll take Shell over Herm any day of the week!
:mob:

Canada
02-02-2008, 09:41 PM
I'll take Shell over Herm any day of the week!
:mob:

You can have him.

Chiefster
02-02-2008, 09:42 PM
Didn't Al Davis recently hire Art Shell?

Yes, but was smart enough to fire him again after one miserable season. No way will he give Germ Edwards the time of day.

hermhater
02-02-2008, 09:48 PM
You can have him.


And you get Herm!

Stuff him and prop him up in your garage and use him as a heavy bag!

:bananen_smilies046:

Canada
02-02-2008, 11:40 PM
And you get Herm!

Stuff him and prop him up in your garage and use him as a heavy bag!

:bananen_smilies046:

I never said I want Herm either.

tornadospotter
02-03-2008, 12:11 AM
I never said I want Germs either.
FYR
Medical folks need to be cautious about Germs!

hermhater
02-03-2008, 12:16 AM
FYR
Medical folks need to be cautious about Germs!


:lol:

chief31
02-03-2008, 03:20 AM
What's so wrong with Art Shell? Aside from the fact that he was with the Raiders?

hermhater
02-03-2008, 03:22 AM
What's so wrong with Art Shell? Aside from the fact that he was with the Raiders?

Al Davis is what is wrong with Shell!

:11:

chief31
02-03-2008, 03:29 AM
Al Davis is what is wrong with Shell!

:11:

I thought that Davis was an idiot for firing the guy after one season, just to try and fire his replacement after one season.

Before that single season, he had a record of 54-38, including one Coach of the Year award.

I am glad that the Raiders got rid of him, because I think he would have improved that team. And that is the last thing that I would want.

tornadospotter
02-03-2008, 03:38 AM
What's so wrong with Art Shell? Aside from the fact that he was with the Raiders?
Well he did coach for us, so maybe? no he will still need to be immunized, Got to have that fader germs taken care of,:character00264: :DrCossack: :sign0074: before he can be a Chief again!

hermhater
02-03-2008, 03:43 AM
I thought that Davis was an idiot for firing the guy after one season, just to try and fire his replacement after one season.

Before that single season, he had a record of 54-38, including one Coach of the Year award.

I am glad that the Raiders got rid of him, because I think he would have improved that team. And that is the last thing that I would want.

Agreed!

And Davis is trying to do it again with that young coach out there!

Thank god for Al!

hermhater
02-21-2008, 02:30 AM
It takes balls to be a transvestite!

:11:

wahooforlife
02-21-2008, 01:52 PM
Has anyone ever wondered what fish smelled like before women started swimming???

Chiefster
02-21-2008, 10:03 PM
Has anyone ever wondered what fish smelled like before women started swimming???

No, you're the only one.

hermhater
02-23-2008, 02:20 PM
This lady walks up to a guy on the street and asks "Can I smell your balls?"

The guy says "Of course not!"

So the lady replies "Well, then it must be your feet!"

:lol:

hermhater
02-24-2008, 03:53 AM
An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

Chiefster
02-24-2008, 04:54 PM
An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Do you know what happened when the blond locked her keys in the car?















...It took her five hours to get her family out.
(Her husband and kids are obviously blond as well)

hermhater
02-24-2008, 05:07 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Do you know what happened when the blond locked her keys in the car?















...It took her five hours to get her family out.
(Her husband and kids are obviously blond as well)


:lol:

Good one!

:yahoo:

Chiefster
02-25-2008, 12:54 AM
:lol:

Good one!

:yahoo:

Wanna play some Holdem?

hermhater
02-26-2008, 02:16 AM
Wanna play some Holdem?

Sure.

I'm there.

hermhater
02-26-2008, 02:17 AM
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:


"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

hermhater
02-26-2008, 02:18 AM
''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

''I got in a tiff with Riley.''


''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.''
''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.''


''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?''

''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.'' Kelly said. ''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.''

hermhater
02-26-2008, 02:19 AM
A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded, ''I'm blessing the car.'' So the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.

hermhater
02-26-2008, 02:29 AM
And here's one for Chiefster!


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

hermhater
02-26-2008, 02:57 AM
I guess I'll just post jokes all night.


A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."

St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

hermhater
02-26-2008, 03:18 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?


KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.



PLATO: For the greater good of man.



ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.



KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.



TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.



OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken knew nothing of its mission (ha ha ha) only that it would be a martyr.



SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.



RONALD REAGAN: I forget.



CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.



HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.



ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and uccessfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business.



LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.



MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.



MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.



FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?



RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.



MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.



JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"



FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.



BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.



OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"



CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.



ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.



BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.



RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it transcended it.



ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.



COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?



BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken.



PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.



L.A.P.D.: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.



DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!



GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.



GEORGE W. BUSH: The chicken crossed the road because he was an evil-doer, and we smoked him out of his hole and got him on the run!

Chiefster
02-27-2008, 12:46 AM
And here's one for Chiefster!


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Nice!

...Only what's a cell phone???:11:

Chiefster
02-27-2008, 12:53 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?...



Chiefster: Because it was too far to walk around it.

hermhater
02-27-2008, 02:28 AM
Chiefster: Because it was too far to walk around it.


:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:

Chiefster
02-27-2008, 07:36 AM
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:

:D
:D

tammietailgator
02-27-2008, 10:41 PM
what to do - what to do!!!???

Chiefster
02-27-2008, 10:45 PM
what to do - what to do!!!???

Proof positive that the egg came first. :p

hermhater
02-28-2008, 02:07 AM
what to do - what to do!!!???


Proof positive that the egg came first. :p


You guys are bad!

:lol:

Chiefster
02-28-2008, 08:02 AM
You guys are bad!

:lol:

Is that bad in a good way or bad in a bad way - not that it makes a great deal of difference. :D

hermhater
02-29-2008, 03:13 AM
Is that bad in a good way or bad in a bad way - not that it makes a great deal of difference. :D

Bad in a good bad way.

Get all that?

Chiefster
03-03-2008, 02:12 PM
Bad in a good bad way.

Get all that?

...In a way that's good to be bad; or that's bad to be good? :D

hermhater
03-04-2008, 03:13 AM
...In a way that's good to be bad; or that's bad to be good? :D

Poorly impressive.

:sign0104:

chief31
03-04-2008, 06:38 AM
...In a way that's good to be bad; or that's bad to be good? :D


No.

It's hip to be square. :lol:

Chiefster
03-04-2008, 05:24 PM
No.

It's hip to be square. :lol:

square hips?

hermhater
03-07-2008, 05:12 AM
Where the hell is the Huey Louis clip?

Chiefster
03-08-2008, 06:57 PM
Where the hell is the Huey Louis clip?


Ya got me; where?

hermhater
03-08-2008, 07:14 PM
Ya got me; where?

This will have to do...

:yahoo:

Chiefster
03-08-2008, 07:52 PM
This will have to do...

:yahoo:

Ok....

I found a vid but it's really bad so I didn't post it. :D

hermhater
03-08-2008, 07:55 PM
This will have to do...

:yahoo:


Ok....

I found a vid but it's really bad so I didn't post it. :D

Whoops!

Thought I had included this video in the last post!

Oops!

YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - hip to be square

:bananen_smilies046:

Chiefster
03-08-2008, 07:58 PM
Whoops!

Thought I had included this video in the last post!

Oops!

YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - hip to be square (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe3Hh8nvn4k)

:bananen_smilies046:

I didn't include that one in a post for obvious reasons. :p

hermhater
03-08-2008, 08:00 PM
I didn't include that one in a post for obvious reasons. :p

Let's pretend I'm stupid and don't know the obvious reasons...

What are they?

Chiefster
03-08-2008, 08:07 PM
Let's pretend I'm stupid and don't know the obvious reasons...

What are they?

You just answered your own question. :D
j/k

AkChief49
03-08-2008, 08:40 PM
useful tip for later years: An old man goes into a chemist to buy some ****** "Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?"

"I can cut them for you" said the chemist "but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. "

"I am 96" said the old man."I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers."

hermhater
03-08-2008, 10:11 PM
You just answered your own question. :D
j/k

:lol:


useful tip for later years: An old man goes into a chemist to buy some ****** "Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?"

"I can cut them for you" said the chemist "but a quarter tabletwill not give you a full erection. "

"I am 96" said the old man."I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Chief from the North
03-08-2008, 10:32 PM
If you want to know who your real best friend is, lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour, then see who is happier to see you when you open it...

hermhater
03-08-2008, 10:45 PM
If you want to know who your real best friend is, lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour, then see who is happier to see you when you open it...

Good one!

:lol:

AkChief49
03-09-2008, 11:33 AM
If you want to know who your real best friend is, lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour, then see who is happier to see you when you open it...that's just funny right there!!!:lol::lol:

hermhater
03-09-2008, 05:20 PM
“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.

“Keep it,” the clerk advises. “When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.”

hermhater
03-09-2008, 05:22 PM
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

tammietailgator
03-09-2008, 10:57 PM
Baseball is a funny sport!!!!!
















A man with four balls can't walk!!!!!!:D

hermhater
03-09-2008, 11:56 PM
Baseball is a funny sport!!!!!




A man with four balls can't walk!!!!!!:D


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Chiefster
03-10-2008, 12:09 AM
Baseball is a funny sport!!!!!
















A man with four balls can't walk!!!!!!:D


A guy takes his girl friend to a major league baseball game once, and of course she's clueless and being a huge embarrassment which on many occasions made him beg of himself the question: "Why did I bring her here?" On one such occasion the home team was batting when a crowd favorite gets a base hit to which the boy friend jumps up and yells: "RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!" Of course his girl friend asked so why did you and everyone else jump up and yell "RUN!" He says impatiently: "Because he got a base hit!" The next batter was the glad recipient of four straight balls, and upon seeing him trot to first base the girl friend jumps up and yells: "RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!" To which the boy friend responded by grabbing her and shoving her back into her seat and saying: "What the heck are you doing? He has four balls!" The girl friend then jumps back up and yells: "STRUT, STRUT, and STRUT!!!!!"

hermhater
03-10-2008, 12:11 AM
A guy takes his girl friend to a major league baseball game once, and of course she's clueless and being a huge embarrassment which on many occasions made him beg of himself the question: "Why did I bring her here?" On one such occasion the home team was batting when a crowd favorite gets a base hit to which the boy friend jumps up and yells: "RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!" Of course his girl friend asked so why did you and everyone else jump up and yell "RUN!" He says impatiently: "Because he got a base hit!" The next batter was the glad recipient of four straight balls, and upon seeing him trot to first base the girl friend jumps up and yells: "RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!" To which the boy friend responded by grabbing her and shoving her back into her seat and saying: "What the heck are you doing? He has four balls!" The girl friend then jumps back up and yells: "STRUT, STRUT, and STRUT!!!!!"

I don't get it.

Is she saying he should strut because he has 4 balls and she thinks that makes him "****y"?

:biggrin:

Chiefster
03-10-2008, 12:14 AM
I don't get it.

Is she saying he should strut because he has 4 balls and she thinks that makes him "****y"?

:biggrin:

That's it. :rolleyes:

hermhater
03-10-2008, 12:16 AM
That's it. :rolleyes:

Sorry Chiefster, but I just couldn't resist such an easy setup!

:lol:
:yahoo:

Chiefster
03-10-2008, 12:17 AM
Sorry Chiefster, but I just couldn't resist such an easy setup!

:lol:
:yahoo:

Yes I know. :D

tammietailgator
03-10-2008, 12:25 AM
:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Now that was funny!

Chiefster
03-10-2008, 12:27 AM
:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Now that was funny!

:D :bananen_smilies046:

Chief from the North
03-10-2008, 12:35 AM
“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.

“Keep it,” the clerk advises. “When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.”

Guess I'll be making my next journey to KC on two wheels
:fan_wave2:

hermhater
03-10-2008, 12:40 AM
:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Now that was funny!


Yep!

:beer:


Guess I'll be making my next journey to KC on two wheels
:fan_wave2:

You mean like a car tipped up on two wheels, or are you crazy enough to ride down from Canada to KC on a motorcycle?

You should just go so fast the cops never get a chance to even see ya!
:bananen_smilies046:

Chief from the North
03-10-2008, 12:46 AM
Yep!

:beer:



You mean like a car tipped up on two wheels, or are you crazy enough to ride down from Canada to KC on a motorcycle?

You should just go so fast the cops never get a chance to even see ya!
:bananen_smilies046:

I meant my 20 year old 10 speed. It makes them laugh so hard they can't keep thier eyes open. Impossible to follow me.

hermhater
03-10-2008, 12:47 AM
I meant my 20 year old 10 speed. It makes them laugh so hard they can't keep thier eyes open. Impossible to follow me.

That will take forever to get down here.

You need to invest in a jetpack!

:bananen_smilies046:

tammietailgator
03-10-2008, 12:48 AM
YouTube - High Speed Bicycle Police Getaway!


This is funny!! :yahoo:

If you play your cards right... You can get away!

Chiefster
03-10-2008, 12:50 AM
That will take forever to get down here.

You need to invest in a jetpack!

:bananen_smilies046:

...Or, start pedaling now.

Chief from the North
03-10-2008, 12:51 AM
YouTube - High Speed Bicycle Police Getaway! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=QCvjihO3Dv0)


This is funny!! :yahoo:

If you play your cards right... You can get away!

I can NOT believe they got this on video. I'm so humiliated...:sign0103:

tammietailgator
03-10-2008, 12:53 AM
I can NOT believe they got this on video. I'm so humiliated...:sign0103:

:lol:

hermhater
03-10-2008, 12:54 AM
YouTube - High Speed Bicycle Police Getaway! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=QCvjihO3Dv0)


This is funny!! :yahoo:

If you play your cards right... You can get away!

WTF???

Were the truckers slowing down to block him or what?


...Or, start pedaling now.

He will be out of beer before he gets to KC, so that's a bad idea!

:11:

Chiefster
03-10-2008, 12:55 AM
I can NOT believe they got this on video. I'm so humiliated...:sign0103:

...That's where riding a bike is beneficial.

tammietailgator
03-10-2008, 01:01 AM
[quote=hermhater;73940]WTF???

Were the truckers slowing down to block him or what?

I dunno, ask him!



He will be out of beer before he gets to KC, so that's a bad idea!
Not if he goes straight to your house :D
:11:[/quot

Canada
03-10-2008, 01:07 AM
HH dosent like to share his beer. I had to take it from him. Good thing he is so tiny. And when he drinks he get really tippy. :D

hermhater
03-10-2008, 03:20 AM
[quote=hermhater;73940]WTF???

Were the truckers slowing down to block him or what?

I dunno, ask him!



He will be out of beer before he gets to KC, so that's a bad idea!
Not if he goes straight to your house :D
:11:[/quot


HH dosent like to share his beer. I had to take it from him. Good thing he is so tiny. And when he drinks he get really tippy. :D

Canada is right.

Don't show up here without beer or you are doing it wrong!

:11:

Chief from the North
03-10-2008, 06:30 AM
[quote=tammietailgator;73945]



Canada is right.

Don't show up here without beer or you are doing it wrong!

:11:

Hey HermHater, I have a question. No disrespect intended, but what were you known on here before Herm was hired? Dick Lover? Just curious :)
:lol:

hermhater
03-10-2008, 01:41 PM
[quote=hermhater;73983]

Hey HermHater, I have a question. No disrespect intended, but what were you known on here before Herm was hired? Dick Lover? Just curious :)
:lol:


I hated Herm even when he was in NY.

You're a funny guy! :sign0104:

:wink:

Chiefster
03-12-2008, 12:35 AM
So, you quote yourself then call yourself a "funny guy"???

tammietailgator
03-12-2008, 01:30 AM
the posts and quotes seem to be mixed up on this thread
:sign0153:

hermhater
03-12-2008, 01:32 AM
So, you quote yourself then call yourself a "funny guy"???


the posts and quotes seem to be mixed up on this thread
:sign0153:

I sure wonder how that happened. :sign0104:

http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/showpost.php?p=73945&postcount=127

:lol:

Chiefster
03-12-2008, 01:33 AM
I sure wonder how that happened. :sign0104:

http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/showpost.php?p=73945&postcount=127

:lol:

:lol::lol::lol:

I can't imagine.

tammietailgator
03-12-2008, 09:38 PM
Ya'll are just mean! meh!!!

:D

Chiefster
03-13-2008, 12:09 AM
Ya'll are just mean! meh!!!

:D

I have an excuse; I'm old! :11: :D

chief31
03-15-2008, 04:37 AM
I have an excuse; I'm old! :11: :D

But "mean" is the wrong word for that. It's actually "crotchetey".

Chiefster
03-15-2008, 08:35 PM
But "mean" is the wrong word for that. It's actually "crotchetey".

You and yer politically correct terms. :11: :D

hermhater
03-16-2008, 02:42 AM
But "mean" is the wrong word for that. It's actually "crotchetey".


You and yer politically correct terms. :11: :D

What's with all the talk about crotches?

Does Chiefster have scrotal issues too?

:bananen_smilies046:

Canada
03-16-2008, 11:14 AM
What's with all the talk about crotches?

Does Chiefster have scrotal issues too?

:bananen_smilies046:

Why do you always pop up at these parts of the conversation?

hermhater
03-16-2008, 03:09 PM
Looks like Chiefster got a date!




An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.

When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"

Chiefster
03-17-2008, 09:38 PM
Looks like Chiefster got a date!

You mistake me for that kid???

BAH!

hermhater
03-18-2008, 03:23 AM
You mistake me for that kid???

BAH!


You should have replied with something funny.

That would have been funnier.

:D

rbedgood
03-19-2008, 02:26 PM
Sorry Chiefster, but I just couldn't resist such an easy setup!

:lol:
:yahoo:

You have to grab the low-hanging fruit...you can't reach the other stuff...

Chiefster
03-21-2008, 04:45 PM
What's with all the talk about crotches?

Does Chiefster have scrotal issues too?

:bananen_smilies046:


Are you typing? :p

tammietailgator
03-23-2008, 02:47 AM
this is funny:funnypost:

hermhater
03-23-2008, 03:23 AM
this is funny:funnypost:


This is funnier chicky, because you can read the whole thing.

:bananen_smilies046:


http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/03/73.jpg

rbedgood
03-23-2008, 03:27 AM
This is funnier chicky, because you can read the whole thing.

:bananen_smilies046:


http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/03/73.jpg

Hmmm, I could read the first one just fine HH...why don't you have the girlfriend lower the desk for you a little so you can see your monitor better!

hermhater
03-23-2008, 03:31 AM
Hmmm, I could read the first one just fine HH...why don't you have the girlfriend lower the desk for you a little so you can see your monitor better!


You have vision beyond your ability.


You must be Bonds' evil twin.

Chiefster
03-24-2008, 10:18 AM
Hmmm, I could read the first one just fine HH...why don't you have the girlfriend lower the desk for you a little so you can see your monitor better!


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Chiefster
03-24-2008, 12:55 PM
Cowboy Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)

Did you hear about the Keller,Texas teacher who was
helping one of her kindergarten students put
on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little
boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they
got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,
'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than
it was putting them on. She managed to keep
her cool as together they worked to get the
boots back on, this time on the right f eat.

He then announced, '....These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face
and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?', like she
wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him
pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner
had they gotten the boots off when he said,

'They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage
she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,
'....Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

The teacher will be eligible for parole in three years.

hermhater
03-24-2008, 12:58 PM
Stupid kids!

:biggrin:

Chiefster
03-24-2008, 02:50 PM
Stupid kids!

:biggrin:

:lol::lol:

AkChief49
03-24-2008, 07:18 PM
Well Boudreaux and Thibodaux went fishing the other day and on their way back to the boat launch they hit a log in the water and the motor flew off of the boat and sunk to the bottom. Boudreaux told Thibodaux to stay in the boat while he swam to the bottom to retrieve the motor. Thibodaux watched as Boudreaux got to the bottom and grabbed the motor and began to crank it over and over. He thought to himself, "Look at dat fool Boudreaux down there trying to crank dat motor like dat! What dah heck is he tinking?" So Thibodeaux sticks his head in the water and yells "Boudreaux, you gotta choke it fool, CHOKE IT!"

hermhater
03-24-2008, 09:07 PM
Well Boudreaux and Thibodaux went fishing the other day and on their way back to the boat launch they hit a log in the water and the motor flew off of the boat and sunk to the bottom. Boudreaux told Thibodaux to stay in the boat while he swam to the bottom to retrieve the motor. Thibodaux watched as Boudreaux got to the bottom and grabbed the motor and began to crank it over and over. He thought to himself, "Look at dat fool Boudreaux down there trying to crank dat motor like dat! What dah heck is he tinking?" So Thibodeaux sticks his head in the water and yells "Boudreaux, you gotta choke it fool, CHOKE IT!"


:lol:

Stupid cajuns!

:bananen_smilies046:

tammietailgator
03-24-2008, 09:29 PM
Cowboy Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)

Did you hear about the Keller,Texas teacher who was
helping one of her kindergarten students put
on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little
boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they
got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,
'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than
it was putting them on. She managed to keep
her cool as together they worked to get the
boots back on, this time on the right f eat.

He then announced, '....These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face
and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?', like she
wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him
pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner
had they gotten the boots off when he said,

'They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage
she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,
'....Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

The teacher will be eligible for parole in three years.
man oh man, been there done that!!!!!

:toast2:

anaeelbackwards
03-25-2008, 04:35 PM
signs youve had too much to drink
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job interfering with you're drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - coincidence?

Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you walk in.

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women

Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.


"I'm as jober as a sudge."

The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

hermhater
03-25-2008, 04:42 PM
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

I lose arguments on the internet all the time, does that count?

:wink:

Chiefster
03-25-2008, 10:49 PM
man oh man, been there done that!!!!!

:toast2:


Yep!:lol:

AkChief49
04-06-2008, 11:13 AM
Sex against a fence

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

hermhater
04-06-2008, 03:15 PM
Sex against a fence

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

Dude that was so friggin' funny!!!!

:lol:

royalswin100games
04-08-2008, 01:25 AM
A woman was in bed with her lover (http://www.instanthumour.com/statue/#) when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.”
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband (http://www.instanthumour.com/statue/#) enquired as he entered the room.
“Oh, its just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here,” he said to the “statue”, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

hermhater
04-08-2008, 01:31 AM
A woman was in bed with her lover (http://www.instanthumour.com/statue/#) when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.”
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband (http://www.instanthumour.com/statue/#) enquired as he entered the room.
“Oh, its just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here,” he said to the “statue”, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

:lol:

Friggin' statues!

Chiefster
04-12-2008, 11:49 AM
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender say's: "So, whay the long face?"

Chief from the North
04-12-2008, 02:32 PM
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender say's: "So, whay the long face?"

I actually heard it this way..."A horse, Celine Dion, and Cher are all sitting at a table in a bar. Bartender walks up and says 'why the long faces ladies?' :funnypost:

hermhater
04-12-2008, 04:28 PM
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.

Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased.

We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.

Running, running, running; we're tired of running.

Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here.

Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"

royalswin100games
04-13-2008, 01:55 PM
An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

hermhater
04-13-2008, 03:06 PM
An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

Crazy Irish!

:lol:

Canada
04-13-2008, 05:45 PM
I actually heard it this way..."A donkey, Shannon Sharpe, and John Elway are all sitting at a table in a bar. Bartender walks up and says 'why the long faces ladies?' :funnypost:

FYP!! :bananen_smilies046:

hermhater
04-13-2008, 05:51 PM
FYP!! :bananen_smilies046:

:lol:

Even better!

:sign0098:

royalswin100games
04-14-2008, 03:09 PM
http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/04/98.jpg

hermhater
04-14-2008, 03:12 PM
That's pretty damn funny dude!

:lol:

royalswin100games
04-15-2008, 10:22 PM
http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/04/99.jpg

hermhater
04-15-2008, 10:26 PM
:lol:

Skank Ho!

AkChief49
04-16-2008, 11:07 AM
"Time Efficiency" An efficiency expert was delivering a seminar on time management for a company's junior executives. He concluded the session with a disclaimer: "Don't attempt these task-organizing tips at home," he said. "Why not?" he was asked. "Well, I did a study of my wife's routine of fixing breakfast," he replied, a little embarrassed. "I noticed she made a lot of trips between the refrigerator and the stove, the table and the cabinets, each time carrying only one item. So I asked her, 'Honey, I notice that you make a lot of trips back and forth carrying one item at a time. If you would try carrying several things at once you would be much more efficient.'" He paused. "Did that save time?" one of the executives asked. "Actually, yes," the expert answered, "It used to take her twenty minutes to fix my breakfast. Now I get my own in seven minutes."

hermhater
04-16-2008, 12:36 PM
"Time Efficiency" An efficiency expert was delivering a seminar on time management for a company's junior executives. He concluded the session with a disclaimer: "Don't attempt these task-organizing tips at home," he said. "Why not?" he was asked. "Well, I did a study of my wife's routine of fixing breakfast," he replied, a little embarrassed. "I noticed she made a lot of trips between the refrigerator and the stove, the table and the cabinets, each time carrying only one item. So I asked her, 'Honey, I notice that you make a lot of trips back and forth carrying one item at a time. If you would try carrying several things at once you would be much more efficient.'" He paused. "Did that save time?" one of the executives asked. "Actually, yes," the expert answered, "It used to take her twenty minutes to fix my breakfast. Now I get my own in seven minutes."

That's why you keep your mouth shut!

:lol:

hermhater
04-16-2008, 04:04 PM
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.

In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.

"I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

hermhater
04-16-2008, 07:44 PM
There was once a monastery and the friars there wanted a new bell for the bell tower.

To raise enough money for the bell, the friars decided to start a florist shop. Well, word got out that some friars were opening a flower shop, and everyone wanted the friar's flowers!

So they got great business and lots of money. Well, the other florists in that area weren't very happy because they were losing business.

They sent a warning to the friars telling the friars that if they didn't stop selling flowers that they would send someone over to rough 'em up.

The friars ignored the warning. The next day however, the angry florists got together and hired a thug named Hugh.

Hugh went to the friar's flower shop and beat the friars up and tore up their shop!

So the moral to this story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!

Chiefster
04-16-2008, 07:57 PM
http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/images/imported/2008/04/98.jpg

Obviously pre-HIPAA.