Heh!
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Heh!
1/27/2008
A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."
"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."
RRRRR-EEEEEE-RRRRRR-EEEEEE!!!!!!
-A blond going through a flashing red light.
1/28/2008
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”
The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.
“Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.
The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.
He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”
“That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar $1000 I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”
This guy runs up to a nun all frantic and scared.
He explains, "Listen, I'm being pursued by the Armed Forces for recruitment into the army and I don't want to go. I have a family and I don't want to be a part of the nonsense that is the war in Iraq. Could I please hide under your gown at least until they pass by?"
The nun replies, "Well, if you think it will work then I don't see it being a problem."
"Thanks a lot" he says, and he then proceeds to hide under her gown.
A few moments pass and then the Armed Forces drives by and casually waves at the nun.
"O.K....they're gone" she says.
"Phew" says the guy, "Thanks again, and by the way, while under your gown, I noticed that you have a beautiful set of legs and I felt the need to tell you."
"Well" the nun replies, "You should have looked up a little bit and you would have noticed that i have a nice set of balls too.........I don't want to go to Iraq either.":D
These are great jokes!!!! Keep it up!
:sign0098::lol::lol: