:lol: Little Akio is one bright kid!
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:lol: Little Akio is one bright kid!
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying
'Hello.'
I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn 's correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an a--hole!'
and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'a--hole' next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an a--hole!'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic ' a--hole '
calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled
'NO!'
and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an a--hole!'
and hung up.
One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.
Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later,
right after calling the first a--hole
(I had his number on speed dial,)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW a--hole, too.
I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said,
'Yes, it is.'
I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ..
It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked,
'What's your name?'
He said,
'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said,
'Yes?'
I said,
'Don, you're an a--hole!'
Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem,
I had two a--hole to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
I called a--hole #1.
He said,
'Hello.'
I said,
'You're an a--hole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked,
'Are you still there?'
I said,
'Yeah!'
He screamed,
'Stop calling me,'
I said,
'Make me,'
He asked,
'Who are you?'
I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said,
'A--hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black BMW parked in front.'
He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a--hole,'
and hung up.
Then I called a--hole #2.
He said,
'Hello?'
I said,
'Hello, a--hole,'
He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said,
'You'll what?'
He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your a--,'
I answered,
'Well, a--hole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ...
I got there just in time to watch two a--hole
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Funny stuff right there!
:lol: Saw this one of facebook. Hilarious!
Hopefully next year, that will all change.
http://i.imgur.com/mSm0b.gif
Aussie that is where I got it from.
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,
set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys
and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat *** and I’m taking my game console,
my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
* *
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
**** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll
all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you
asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
you’re *** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
Timmy,
That’s what I thought you little *******.
Santa
I was watching the game this past sunday and the fans are like giving up on this team this year.With the final game of the year the fans were booing after the game which is ridiculous not they fault that they are terrible its the front office and coaching staff fault.it will be the best day of my life when GM and the Head Coach gets Fire which hopefully will be Monday.