I think post 139 is pretty funny.
SIGNS YOU'VE LIVED IN NEBRASKATOO LONG:
-You've been on television at least 3 times describing the sound of a tornado.
-You take pride in knowing that on Saturdays, Memorial stadium is the third largest city in the state.
-You brag to other Nebraskan's about being from Omaha.
-You know how to pronounce Beatrice, Norfolk and Kearney.
-You think Coors is an imported beer.
-"Back East" means Chicago.
-You think pheasants are the most beautiful bird in the world.
-You know that the statue on the dome of the state capital is actually sowing seed - not bowling.
-You can drive through towns like Wahoo with a straight face.
-You know what "knee high by the Fourth of July" refers to.
-You list your religious preference as "Cornhusker."
-You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.
-You consider using your life savings to go to the Colorado-Nebraska football game.
-There's a tornado warning and you go outside to watch for it.
-You think Abraham Lincoln was named after the capital of Nebraska.
-"Little Smokies" are something you serve on special occasions.
-You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.
-You think the "Red Sea" refers to the football stadium on Saturdays.
-Using the elevator involves a corn truck.
-You know cow pies aren't made of beef.
-You actually buy manure.
-You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.
-You think the "N" on the football helmets stands for "knowledge"
-You leave your snow tires on year-round.
-You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
-You skip your mother's funeral for the first day of deer season.
-You consider irrigation boots casual footwear.
-You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot apart.
-You consider any building a mall, if it's bigger than the local Wal-Mart.
-You know several people who have hit a deer.
-Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.
-Your school classes were canceled because of the heat.
-You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition... Example: "Where's my coat at?"
-You can actually locate Nebraska on the United States map.
-Detassling was your first job.
-You know what "cow tipping" is.
-You voted for a football coach for Congress.
-You can't understand why Johnny Carson ever left.
How do you keep the Oakland Raiders out of your backyard?
Paint a goal line!!
A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade.
:sign0153: :iamwithstupid: :character00110:
This is hilarious...........
I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm
Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted
her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into
this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown.
I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to
the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in
a tad so we can get everything?"
"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so
why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my
other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when
we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed
for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide
open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.
And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men
extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the
Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba
(or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as
possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though
I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making
no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The
power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went
to lunch. Are we upset?"
"And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
:11: Wait.... that is actually scary and funny