A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell me."
The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that secret box of yours?"
The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid.
It contained $10,000 and three eggs.
"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked. "Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put an egg in the box.
Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about himself and it warmed his soul.
"And what about that $10,000?"" he asked.
"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs in the box, I . . . ummm . . . sold them . . . and put a dollar in the box."
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Originally Posted by KristofLaw
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Blanche, our Hunting dog, at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was "where is your sign lady" but decided to go with it ... so ... on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina weight loss Diet again.
I said I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified,the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's *** and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :funnypost:
Originally Posted by AkChief49
A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, But willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, But I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money.
How do you starve an Obama supporter??
It's really very simple, just hide their food stamps under their work shoes.
I was talking to a guy in the line at the store. The conversation got around to wives, and he said he had been widowed three times. I said "Three wives, all dead and buried?" He said "Yes."
"What happened to the first one?"
"What happened to the second one?"
"And the third?"
"How did that happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the Poison Mushrooms."
Good to see you!!!