An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant
70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens
Having shot a moose two Swedes began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.
On the way they were stopped by a game warden. "Let me see your hunting licenses, boys," he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice.
"Sure!" the hunters agreed.
"Well, boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail."
"Aye, O.K. and thanks," said the lads.
After about five minutes one said to the other, "Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?"
"Aye, you're right," said his friend, "but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"
A blond woman is lost in the woods and starts walking one direction until she comes up on a small river. She heads left, and soon sees a blond woman fishing from the bank on the other side.
When she is close enough, she yells across to her, "HEY!!! How do I get over to the other side?"
The girl fishing looks upstream, then downstream, then back across to the girl who is lost and yells back to her..." You dumb b****, you are on the other side!"
funny, i was going to say The Chiefs 2012 season :mooning:
Originally Posted by GreatSvenster
THINGS CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY:
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired; man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot..
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .......
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.
As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
So I turned around and replied "So now you want me to stay?"