This is really not a joke, but this aligns very closely with what we saw with the replacement refs.
When I was in the Navy, we had a guy in my Seabee batallion that played college football and tried out for the Raiders.
We were playing flag football and we were getting beaten. I remember standing in the huddle and the QB was complaining about the pass rush. This guy said, "No problem, I can stop that."
Sure enough, the next few plays saw defensive players on the ground, and the protection was much better. After about 4 plays, the ref came over to our coach and said, "I don't know what your offensive lineman is doing, but I know it is illegal, tell him to stop!"
Priceless! I have no idea what the dirty tricks were that he was doing, some dirty tricks he learned in college I expect, but it was hilarious.
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately
gave myself a
personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.
Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location,
confessed that I
had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I
stammered; ( I always
call him "honey" in times like these.)
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been
dropped, but then
I heard his voice.
"Are you kiddin' me", he barked, "I dropped you off"!!!!!!!
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well,
come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't
steal your car."
Yep it's the golden years................ :-\:D:D
Good stuff right there!
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan , who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good! -- Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"
Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
"Excellent!" said the teacher continuing, "Let's try one a bit more difficult -- Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?"
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F_ _ k the Japs."
"Who said that? -- I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right! -- Now who said that?"
Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? -- Suck this!"
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****! -- If you say anything else -- I'll kill you!"
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004."
The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, We're screwed!"
Little Akio said quietly,"The American people, November 4, 2008."