The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down!
Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules' from the female side,
now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered ' 1 ' …..ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides…
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don 't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one!
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
If you already know best how to do it…just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act
like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to…expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine... Really .
1. Don 't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, golf or football!!
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this….
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
I received this in my email today as well.
Originally Posted by tornadospotter
Don't they have to find it before they can get lost in it though?
How about when I was a little kid and another little kid told me the first dirty joke I ever heard. I'll tell it just as I recall him telling it:
A 4 year old boy was taking a shower with his dad. The boy said, "Daddy, what's that?" He said, "It's my nerve." Then later the boy was outside playing and a heavy woman walked by. He said, "Wow you're fat!" She said, "You have some nerve!" He said, "If you think I've got a big nerve you oughta see my dad's!"
Dude, Halloween is over!!:D
Originally Posted by Sn@keIze
It is amazing that at 1-7 we still have someone to laugh at in this league.
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”
Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there.
“I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender sais: "So, why the long face?".