just for kicks right Chief???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmM33I4PlFk
Printable View
just for kicks right Chief???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmM33I4PlFk
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son.
Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love,
Mom.
Modern Tools
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain
on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on
oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the
damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes
off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard
with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to
cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that
you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of
electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principle to
harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging
complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old
paint off the side of the house.
Chain Saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that
you accidentally built completely around yourself.
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique
the job you're doing or offer advice.
Elk Sex
Two guys from Sout Da'kota are drinking in a bar.
Ole says, "Didja know dat elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"Aw crap..," says Sven, "and I just joined the VFW!"
HA! :lol:
I recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull. Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave me some pills to give him once per day.Holy crap.The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!"
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him,But they kinda taste like peppermint....
Men in Heaven
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poop."
How to Replace Mouse Balls..........
I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.
This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem.
The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).
Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive; however, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
I just finished downloading the entire internet
http://www.subicbaypi.com/com_getterdone.jpg
duh
http://oi43.tinypic.com/2mfywyb.jpg
Hey, no child left behind right? :D
The Affordable Golf Club Act
New Law....If you have old golf clubs....you can keep your golf clubs....until April 2014
The administration has passed a new law titled: "The Affordable Golf Club Act" declaring that every citizen must purchase a new set of golf clubs, before April 2014.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only the wealthy or financially responsible have been able to purchase new golf clubs without the assistance of their government.
This new law ensures that every American can now have "affordable" golf clubs of their own, because everyone is equally entitled to new golf clubs. And if you want to keep the golf clubs you already have, you can do that, until April 2014.
These affordable golf clubs will cost from $1,000 to $3,000 each depending on your income level. This does not include taxes, pull cart, electric cart fees, green fees, membership fees, balls, tees, gloves, range finders, storage fees, maintenance, or repair costs.
In order to make sure everyone participates and purchases their affordable golf clubs, the costs of owning golf clubs will increase 50% each year up to 400% by year 2018. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. People who can't afford or refuse to maintain their golf clubs will be fined. However, children under the age of 26 can use their parents’ golf clubs until they turn 27 at which time they must purchase their own golf clubs.
If you don't want or think you don't need golf clubs, you are still required to buy them. If you refuse to buy a set or make claims that you can't afford them, you will be fined $800 until you purchase a set or face imprisonment.
People living in farming areas, ghettos, inner cities, Wyoming, or areas with no access to golf courses are not exempt. Age, health, prior experience or no experience are not acceptable excuses for not buying, maintaining, and using your golf clubs.
A government review board that doesn't know the difference between a hook and a slice will decide everything. This includes when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your golf clubs along with how many people can ride in your golf cart. The board will also determine if participants are too old or not healthy enough to be able to use their golf clubs.
They will also decide if your golf clubs have outlived their usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories, like a range finder with slope adjustment or a newer and more expensive set of golf clubs.
Those that can afford memberships at expensive golf country clubs will be required to buy memberships. If you are already a member and you like your membership you can keep your membership. After April 2014, a different country club will be assigned for you to purchase a membership.
Government officials are exempt from this new law as they and their families and some of their friends and a few of their friends friends can obtain golf clubs at taxpayers expense.
The IRS has hired an additional 124,500 agents to investigage abuse and enforce the Affordable Golf Club Act.
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"
A friend of mine took his wife to a baseball game, she knew nothing about the game, so he tried to explain the game to her as they watched. A batter hit's the ball and runs to first and my friend jumps up and shouts "RUN, RUN, RUN!!!" and his wife asked why the batter had to run. He explained that if the batter hit's the ball he has to get to first base before he gets thrown out. All was going well, the two of them enjoying the game, when one player got up to bat, several pitches were thrown, then the batter threw his bat towards the dugout and started walking to first base. My friends wife looked at him with a puzzled look and said, why is he walking to first base? My friend replied, because he has four balls, she jumped up all happy and shouted, strut you stud strut!
...I had a couple of minutes so I thought I'd sneak a post reply! :D
can't fix stupid
http://i62.tinypic.com/fxz986.jpg
I got a great joke The Chiefs crowd mods I mean do they even exist anymore? :saythat::biggrin:
anti ban cream I mean the mods here are the best around
the makeover
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiAZ01dkcdc
Monkey gives firearms demo to soldiers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6LWNQqs7TE
God Bless Cowboys
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."
http://i61.tinypic.com/33kyfz5.jpg