No comedy in Chiefs situation

By JASON WHITLOCKWhen I sat down to give out grades for the just-completed Kansas City Chiefs season, the theme song for the 1970s hit TV show “Welcome Back, Kotter” popped into my head.

Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about.

Yep, I was grading a group of Sweathogs, remedial football students who had returned the Chiefs to the 1970s, an era fans had laughed about.

Jared Allen was the lovable star of the team, the Vinnie Barbarino. Tony Gonzalez was Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington, the athletic superstar. Kansas City’s offensive line was Hors(hack), the weakling weak link. And Herm Edwards was Juan Epstein, a tough-talking bully who had an excuse for every shortcoming. Of course, King Carl was Mr. Woodman, the bitter principal who looked down his nose at the Sweathogs.

That makes me Mr. Kotter, the man in charge of educating and evaluating these delinquent players. It was a very difficult job this year. A record number of players received D’s and F’s. Eddie Drummond was given a G, a new category that will forever be known as the Eddie Drummond Memorial Trophy.

Only Allen and Gonzalez received A’s.

Word is 18 Sweathogs will be booted out of school during winter and summer vacation. Mr. Woodman says he’s coming back for a 20th season.

Yeah we tease him a lot ’cause we’ve got him on the spot, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

| Complete grades, C-4, 5