Chiefs to sponsor work-release program with local prisons

KANSAS CITY, MO — Kansas City Chiefs President and General Manager Carl Peterson announced today that the team is proposing a new community service initiative to provide a work-release program for inmates of seven local prisons, including Lansing, Jackson County, and the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary.

“This is a first for the NFL and the Chiefs organization, and we are proud to be at the forefront of inmate-league relations with a program that would allow local prisoners to reduce their sentences via honest work throughout the Chiefs facilities,” Chiefs Chairman Clark Hunt said, in a statement read to reporters. “We hope to earn the approval of the prison system in the next week or two, and have the program in place by the summer’s first OTA’s.”

Peterson indicated that the jobs inmates might hold could range the entirety of the team’s operations.

“You might have a petty burglar from Lansing working in a janitorial capacity, or a money launderer on the stadium maintenance crew. Heck, let’s say there’s an inmate at a facility like, say, Leavenworth. For the sake of discussion, let’s say he’s there for a couple of years on a federal dog-fighting conviction – just for the sake of argument,” Peterson told SSNN in an exclusive phone interview. “There’s really no reason he couldn’t hypothetically play quarterback for the team. Any and all areas of the team’s business are fair game. We’re just trying to give back to the community, and provide an opportunity for offenders to pay back their debts to society.”

To commemorate the seven correctional facilities involved in the proposal, the team had a Chiefs jersey bearing the number “7″ on display for fans and reporters.

“We’re very excited about the possibilities of having the seven involved closely with the team,” Peterson explained. “We always need extra hands on the groundskeeping crew, there’s a new construction project starting this spring to widen the concourses, and Brodie Croyle has been a huge disappointment. This Number Seven initiative – that’s just a name we’ve been tossing around the office – couldn’t have come at a better time.”


(Satire )