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Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #1
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    Default Joke of the day.


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    A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.



    The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.



    Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.


    "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.


    "Yup."


    "Where did he go?"


    "Your house."
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


  2. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by rbedgood View Post
    Funny...

    ...lhowever the version I used to hear in Jr High was worse...I'll use TimSatt1 as the victim so as not to pick on an actual member of the site

    How do you break TimSatt1's thumb?

    Kick him in the a$$...
    It also works with circumcision and a kick in the jaw!
    The only reason a beer sweats around Canada is because he's decided it will be the next beer he drinks.

  3. #12
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    Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

    A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

    A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. and have a beer or five.
    my dad's favorite quote. FYP
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

    A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.


    Quote Originally Posted by anaeelbackwards View Post
    my dad's favorite quote. FYP
    http://arrowheadjunkies.com/pictures/PhotoShop/sig_pics/NFL_Players/kansas_city_chiefs/tyson.jackson/062009/tyson.jackson.500.png

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    2/24/2008

    Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

    Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

    “I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

    “That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

    “I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

    The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

    “One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

    “Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your butthole before prison…’”
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


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    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?

    A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    2/24/2008

    Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

    Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

    “I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

    “That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

    “I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

    The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

    “One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

    “Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your butthole before prison…’”



    A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says: "So, why the long face?"


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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiefster View Post



    A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says: "So, why the long face?"
    Funny!

    A cop pulls over a guy.
    "Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
    "Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"
    http://arrowheadjunkies.com/pictures/PhotoShop/sig_pics/NFL_Players/kansas_city_chiefs/tyson.jackson/062009/tyson.jackson.500.png

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    1/25/2008

    An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

    The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."


    "Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.


    "And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."


    Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.


    "No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


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    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    1/25/2008

    An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

    The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."


    "Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.


    "And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."


    Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.


    "No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."
    http://arrowheadjunkies.com/pictures/PhotoShop/sig_pics/NFL_Players/kansas_city_chiefs/tyson.jackson/062009/tyson.jackson.500.png

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    1/26/2008

    A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.


    "My darling," he writes, "it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation’s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."


    His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don’t you learn to play this?"


    Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he says, "I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"


    But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let’s see how well you play that harmonica."
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


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