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Thread: Joke of the day.

  1. #1
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    Default Joke of the day.


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    A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.



    The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.



    Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.


    "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.


    "Yup."


    "Where did he go?"


    "Your house."
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


  2. #21
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    Heh!
    http://arrowheadjunkies.com/pictures/PhotoShop/sig_pics/NFL_Players/kansas_city_chiefs/tyson.jackson/062009/tyson.jackson.500.png

  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    1/25/2008

    An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

    The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."


    "Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.


    "And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."


    Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.


    "No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."
    one must remember that age has its advantages!

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    1/27/2008

    A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

    The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

    "Shut up," she says. "You’re next."
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


  5. #24
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    RRRRR-EEEEEE-RRRRRR-EEEEEE!!!!!!

    -A blond going through a flashing red light.


  6. #25
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    1/28/2008

    A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”

    The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.

    “Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.

    The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.

    He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”

    “That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar $1000 I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”
    "If you need braggin' on, let someone else do it"-my dad


  7. #26
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    Default joke


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    This guy runs up to a nun all frantic and scared.

    He explains, "Listen, I'm being pursued by the Armed Forces for recruitment into the army and I don't want to go. I have a family and I don't want to be a part of the nonsense that is the war in Iraq. Could I please hide under your gown at least until they pass by?"

    The nun replies, "Well, if you think it will work then I don't see it being a problem."

    "Thanks a lot" he says, and he then proceeds to hide under her gown.

    A few moments pass and then the Armed Forces drives by and casually waves at the nun.

    "O.K....they're gone" she says.

    "Phew" says the guy, "Thanks again, and by the way, while under your gown, I noticed that you have a beautiful set of legs and I felt the need to tell you."

    "Well" the nun replies, "You should have looked up a little bit and you would have noticed that i have a nice set of balls too.........I don't want to go to Iraq either."

  8. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    1/27/2008

    A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

    The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

    "Shut up," she says. "You’re next."
    Ha!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chiefster View Post
    RRRRR-EEEEEE-RRRRRR-EEEEEE!!!!!!

    -A blond going through a flashing red light.
    Ha!

    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    1/28/2008

    A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”

    The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.

    “Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.

    The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.

    He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”

    “That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar $1000 I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”
    Ha!

    http://arrowheadjunkies.com/pictures/PhotoShop/sig_pics/NFL_Players/kansas_city_chiefs/tyson.jackson/062009/tyson.jackson.500.png

  9. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by wahooforlife View Post
    This guy runs up to a nun all frantic and scared.

    He explains, "Listen, I'm being pursued by the Armed Forces for recruitment into the army and I don't want to go. I have a family and I don't want to be a part of the nonsense that is the war in Iraq. Could I please hide under your gown at least until they pass by?"

    The nun replies, "Well, if you think it will work then I don't see it being a problem."

    "Thanks a lot" he says, and he then proceeds to hide under her gown.

    A few moments pass and then the Armed Forces drives by and casually waves at the nun.

    "O.K....they're gone" she says.

    "Phew" says the guy, "Thanks again, and by the way, while under your gown, I noticed that you have a beautiful set of legs and I felt the need to tell you."

    "Well" the nun replies, "You should have looked up a little bit and you would have noticed that i have a nice set of balls too.........I don't want to go to Iraq either."
    Even Ha!-ier!

    http://arrowheadjunkies.com/pictures/PhotoShop/sig_pics/NFL_Players/kansas_city_chiefs/tyson.jackson/062009/tyson.jackson.500.png

  10. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by prough91 View Post
    1/28/2008

    A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”

    The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.

    “Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.

    The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.

    He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”

    “That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar $1000 I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”


  11. #30
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    These are great jokes!!!! Keep it up!


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