Joke of the day.

[prough91]

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.



The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.



Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.


"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.


"Yup."


"Where did he go?"


"Your house."

[Chiefster]

Hmmm, I could read the first one just fine HH...why don't you have the girlfriend lower the desk for you a little so you can see your monitor better!

[Chiefster]

Cowboy Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)

Did you hear about the Keller,Texas teacher who was
helping one of her kindergarten students put
on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little
boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they
got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,
'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than
it was putting them on. She managed to keep
her cool as together they worked to get the
boots back on, this time on the right f eat.

He then announced, '....These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face
and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?', like she
wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him
pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner
had they gotten the boots off when he said,

'They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage
she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,
'....Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

The teacher will be eligible for parole in three years.

[hermhater]

Stupid kids!

[Chiefster]

Stupid kids!

[AkChief49]

Well Boudreaux and Thibodaux went fishing the other day and on their way back to the boat launch they hit a log in the water and the motor flew off of the boat and sunk to the bottom. Boudreaux told Thibodaux to stay in the boat while he swam to the bottom to retrieve the motor. Thibodaux watched as Boudreaux got to the bottom and grabbed the motor and began to crank it over and over. He thought to himself, "Look at dat fool Boudreaux down there trying to crank dat motor like dat! What dah heck is he tinking?" So Thibodeaux sticks his head in the water and yells "Boudreaux, you gotta choke it fool, CHOKE IT!"

[hermhater]

Well Boudreaux and Thibodaux went fishing the other day and on their way back to the boat launch they hit a log in the water and the motor flew off of the boat and sunk to the bottom. Boudreaux told Thibodaux to stay in the boat while he swam to the bottom to retrieve the motor. Thibodaux watched as Boudreaux got to the bottom and grabbed the motor and began to crank it over and over. He thought to himself, "Look at dat fool Boudreaux down there trying to crank dat motor like dat! What dah heck is he tinking?" So Thibodeaux sticks his head in the water and yells "Boudreaux, you gotta choke it fool, CHOKE IT!"

Stupid cajuns!

[tammietailgator]

Cowboy Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)

Did you hear about the Keller,Texas teacher who was
helping one of her kindergarten students put
on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little
boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they
got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,
'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than
it was putting them on. She managed to keep
her cool as together they worked to get the
boots back on, this time on the right f eat.

He then announced, '....These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face
and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?', like she
wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him
pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner
had they gotten the boots off when he said,

'They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage
she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,
'....Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

The teacher will be eligible for parole in three years.

man oh man, been there done that!!!!!

[anaeelbackwards]

signs youve had too much to drink
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job interfering with you're drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - coincidence?

Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you walk in.

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women

Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.


"I'm as jober as a sudge."

The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

[hermhater]

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

I lose arguments on the internet all the time, does that count?

:wink:

[Chiefster]

man oh man, been there done that!!!!!

Yep!