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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #181
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    Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Arizona. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents. They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

    The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"

    There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis... Shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please."

    The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other...They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please."

    They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

    "I'm a retired tailor from Boston," the bartender said, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same."

    "Wow!!!! That's quite a story," says one of the men.

    The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

    One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

    The bartender says, "Oh, they're all old retired farts from Nebraska. They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'

  3. #182
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    Got to love happy hour!

  4. #183
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Arizona. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents. They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

    The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"

    There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis... Shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please."

    The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other...They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please."

    They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

    "I'm a retired tailor from Boston," the bartender said, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same."

    "Wow!!!! That's quite a story," says one of the men.

    The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

    One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

    The bartender says, "Oh, they're all old retired farts from Nebraska. They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'
    Great joke!!!!!

  5. #184
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    Test for Dementia
    Below are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of themimmediately . OK?

    Let's find out just how clever you really are....



    Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)













    First Question:

    You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?







    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




    Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
    absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

    Try not to screw up next time.
    Now answer the second question,
    butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question,OK ?
    Second Question:
    If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
    (scroll down)

















    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




    Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


    You're not very good at this, are you?






    Third Question:
    Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your headonly .
    Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



    Take1000and add40to it. Now add another1000. Now add30.
    Add another1000. Now add20. Now add another1000
    Now add10. What is the total?

    Scroll down for answer.....









    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you get 5000?
    The correct answer is actually 4100.


    If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
    Today is definitely not your day, is it?
    Maybe you'll get the last question right....
    ....Maybe.


    Fourth Question:
    Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
    4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?







    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you Answer Nunu?
    NO! Of course it isn't.
    Her name is Mary . Read the question again!



    Okay, now the bonus round:
    A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
    imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
    expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
    done.
    Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
    sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?










    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    He just has to open his mouth and ask...
    It's really very simple.... Like you!




  6. #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Test for Dementia
    Below are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of themimmediately . OK?

    Let's find out just how clever you really are....



    Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)













    First Question:

    You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?







    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




    Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
    absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

    Try not to screw up next time.
    Now answer the second question,
    butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question,OK ?
    Second Question:
    If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
    (scroll down)

















    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




    Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


    You're not very good at this, are you?






    Third Question:
    Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your headonly .
    Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



    Take1000and add40to it. Now add another1000. Now add30.
    Add another1000. Now add20. Now add another1000
    Now add10. What is the total?

    Scroll down for answer.....









    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you get 5000?
    The correct answer is actually 4100.


    If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
    Today is definitely not your day, is it?
    Maybe you'll get the last question right....
    ....Maybe.


    Fourth Question:
    Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
    4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?







    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you Answer Nunu?
    NO! Of course it isn't.
    Her name is Mary . Read the question again!



    Okay, now the bonus round:
    A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
    imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
    expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
    done.
    Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
    sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?










    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    He just has to open his mouth and ask...
    It's really very simple.... Like you!



    Very annoying joke!

  7. #186
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    Quote Originally Posted by AussieChiefsFan View Post
    Very annoying joke!

  8. #187
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    Default


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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post

  9. #188
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    0 Not allowed!
    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Test for Dementia
    Below are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of themimmediately . OK?

    Let's find out just how clever you really are....



    Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)













    First Question:

    You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?







    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




    Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
    absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

    Try not to screw up next time.
    Now answer the second question,
    butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question,OK ?
    Second Question:
    If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
    (scroll down)

















    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




    Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


    You're not very good at this, are you?






    Third Question:
    Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your headonly .
    Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



    Take1000and add40to it. Now add another1000. Now add30.
    Add another1000. Now add20. Now add another1000
    Now add10. What is the total?

    Scroll down for answer.....









    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you get 5000?
    The correct answer is actually 4100.


    If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
    Today is definitely not your day, is it?
    Maybe you'll get the last question right....
    ....Maybe.


    Fourth Question:
    Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
    4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?







    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you Answer Nunu?
    NO! Of course it isn't.
    Her name is Mary . Read the question again!



    Okay, now the bonus round:
    A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
    imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
    expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
    done.
    Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
    sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?










    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    He just has to open his mouth and ask...
    It's really very simple.... Like you!



    I got the first and last one correct.

    The second one I was thinking that you were talking about lapping the last place person.


  10. #189
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    Oldie, but goodie.


    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

    The little boy says, "Dark in here."


    The man says, "Yes, it is."


    Boy - "I have a baseball."


    Man - "That's nice."


    Boy - "Want to buy it?"


    Man - "No, thanks."


    Boy - "My dad's outside."


    Man - "OK, how much?"


    Boy - "$150"


    Man - "Sold."


    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.


    Boy - "Dark in here."


    Man - "Yes, it is."


    Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."


    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"


    Boy - "$350"


    Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."


    A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."


    The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."


    The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"


    The boy says, "$500"


    The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."


    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.


    The boy says, "Dark in here."


    The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now"

  11. #190
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Oldie, but goodie.


    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

    The little boy says, "Dark in here."

    The man says, "Yes, it is."

    Boy - "I have a baseball."

    Man - "That's nice."

    Boy - "Want to buy it?"

    Man - "No, thanks."

    Boy - "My dad's outside."

    Man - "OK, how much?"

    Boy - "$150"

    Man - "Sold."

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

    Boy - "Dark in here."

    Man - "Yes, it is."

    Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."

    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

    Boy - "$350"

    Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

    The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."

    The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

    The boy says, "$500"

    The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."

    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

    The boy says, "Dark in here."

    The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now"

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