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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #201
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiefster View Post
    But anyway, you said you had a really good Knock Knock joke and when it got up to the part where most people add an interesting part it was my turn. So this time I'll start so YOU can show me the 'good' knock knock joke you know.

  3. #202
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    Because I am a MAN


    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a
    coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option.
    I will win.
    __________________________________________________ _________________


    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
    hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
    man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
    these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
    know where to start." We will then have a couple of drinks as a kind of
    Holy Communion.
    __________________________________________________ __________


    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
    take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman: you never get as
    sick as I do, so this is no problem for you.


    __________________________________________________ ________________


    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
    store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
    "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.


    __________________________________________________ ___________ _____


    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
    on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
    much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.


    __________________________________________________ _________________


    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
    while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
    looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a
    calculator instead (applies to engineers only).


    __________________________________________________ _______________


    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
    true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports, or sex. I have to make
    up something
    else when you ask, so just don't ask!!!



    __________________________________________________ _________________



    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
    are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are
    feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly at least remember the name
    and recommend it to other men.


    __________________________________________________ ________________


    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
    were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
    With the belt or without it, looks fine. It does not make your *** look too
    big. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair
    is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?


    __________________________________________________ _________________


    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share
    equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
    cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
    sitting in the garden with a drink, deciding what to do next.


    This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.


  4. #203
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  5. #204
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post

    __________________________________________________ ________________

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
    while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
    looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a
    calculator instead (applies to engineers only).

    I do that already!

  6. #205
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    Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling,
    and plays golf every Saturday.


    His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
    takes him to a local strip club.


    The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

    'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and
    brings over a Budweiser.

    His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she
    know that you drink Budweiser?'

    'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

    I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob,
    starts to rub herself all over him and says,


    'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

    Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

    Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

    Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

    Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
    him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

    She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4
    letter word in the book.

    The cabbie turns around and says,

    'Geez Bob, you picked up a real ***** this time.'


    Bob's funeral will be on Friday.


  7. #206
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  8. #207
    Member Since
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling,
    and plays golf every Saturday.


    His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
    takes him to a local strip club.


    The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

    'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and
    brings over a Budweiser.

    His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she
    know that you drink Budweiser?'

    'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

    I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob,
    starts to rub herself all over him and says,


    'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

    Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

    Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

    Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

    Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
    him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

    She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4
    letter word in the book.

    The cabbie turns around and says,

    'Geez Bob, you picked up a real ***** this time.'


    Bob's funeral will be on Friday.


  9. #208
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    The Hormone Guide
    Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!






    Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver ' s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!












    DANGEROUS


    SAFER


    SAFEST


    ULTRA SAFE


    What's for
    dinner?


    Can I help you
    with dinner?


    Where would you like
    to go for dinner?


    Here, have some wine.


    Are you
    wearing that?


    You sure
    look good in brown!


    WOW! Look at you!


    Here, have some wine


    What are you
    so worked up about?


    Could we be
    overreacting?


    Here's my paycheck.


    Here, have some wine..


    Should you be
    eating that?


    You know, there are
    a lot of apples left.


    Can I get you a piece
    of chocolate with that?


    Here, have some wine.


    What did you
    DO all day?


    I hope you didn't
    over-do it today.


    I've always loved you
    in that robe!


    Here, have some wine.

    13 Things PMS Stands For:


    1. Pass My Shotgun

    2. Psychotic Mood Shift

    3. Perpetual Munching Spree


    4. Puffy Mid-Section

    5. People Make me Sick

    6. Provide Me Sweets

    7. Pardon My Sobbing

    8. Pimples May Surface

    9. Pass My Sweatpants

    10. Pitiful Mood Syndrome

    11. Plainly; Men Suck

    12. Pack My Stuff


    and my
    favoriteone :

    13.
    Potential Murder Suspect.










  10. #209
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    ALASKA
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    Quote Originally Posted by KansasCityChris View Post
    What the Frack? I thought this was for jokes? This is more of a just to let you know topic. WOW, how do we laugh at this?
    just read it- real slow


  11. #210
    Member Since
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    Nebraska
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    You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

    The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After
    a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.


    As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
    that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

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