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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #211
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

    The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After
    a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.


    As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
    that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.


    Priceless!


  3. #212
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    A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

    Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

    Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

    He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

    "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

    Women who behave,rarely make history.

  4. #213
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    I think he's earned the free beer!


  5. #214
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    A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"
    The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
    The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
    Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

    Women who behave,rarely make history.

  6. #215
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  7. #216
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sweets View Post
    A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

    Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

    Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

    He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

    "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweets View Post
    A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"
    The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
    The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
    Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

  8. #217
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    Quote Originally Posted by KansasCityChris View Post
    Ummmmm, where did she go? :sign0076:
    In the mirror

  9. #218
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    Bet you never thought of this treatment For Sunburn


    A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.

    He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

    With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a ****** pill every four hours.

    The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will ****** do for him, Doctor'?
    The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'

  10. #219
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Bet you never thought of this treatment For Sunburn


    A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.

    He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

    With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a ****** pill every four hours.

    The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will ****** do for him, Doctor'?
    The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'


    Yeah, it keeps old men from rolling out of bed too.


  11. #220
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Bet you never thought of this treatment For Sunburn


    A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.

    He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

    With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a( ****** pill) every four hours.

    The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will (******) do for him, Doctor'?
    The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'

    :SHOCKED::SHOCKED::damnit::sign0012::sign0079:

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