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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #331
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    Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter
    girl took my $ 2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from
    my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3
    pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her
    discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters , but she
    hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to
    her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?Because of the
    evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:



    1. Teaching Math In 1950s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?



    2. Teaching Math In 1960s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?



    3. Teaching Math In 1970s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is $80. Did he make a profit?



    4. Teaching Math In 1980s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the
    number 20.



    5. Teaching Math In 1990s



    A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
    inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
    preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20..
    What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class
    participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels
    feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if
    you feel like crying, it's ok. )

    6. Teaching Math In 2009



    Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la
    producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?


    7.. Teaching Math In 2010

    Who cares, just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor's property.
    He won't have a gun to stop you, and the President says it's OK anyway
    because its a redistribution of wealth.


  3. #332
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiefster View Post
    Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter
    girl took my $ 2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from
    my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3
    pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her
    discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters , but she
    hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to
    her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?Because of the
    evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:



    1. Teaching Math In 1950s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?



    2. Teaching Math In 1960s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?



    3. Teaching Math In 1970s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is $80. Did he make a profit?



    4. Teaching Math In 1980s



    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of
    production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the
    number 20.



    5. Teaching Math In 1990s



    A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
    inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
    preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20..
    What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class
    participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels
    feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if
    you feel like crying, it's ok. )

    6. Teaching Math In 2009



    Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la
    producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?


    7.. Teaching Math In 2010

    Who cares, just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor's property.
    He won't have a gun to stop you, and the President says it's OK anyway
    because its a redistribution of wealth.
    Nice one from the Chiefster!

  4. #333
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    I know it's not the season, but these are amazing. Scroll down to see the Amish Christmas lights.......


































    You know very well that the Amish don't use electricity.
    Now get back to work!





  5. #334
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Nice one from the Chiefster!
    Thanks!

    It's funny in a sort of sad, true sort of way.


  6. #335
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    THE MORMON AND THE IRISHMAN...

    A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

    The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

    The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

  7. #336
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    THE MORMON AND THE IRISHMAN...

    A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

    The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

    The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."


    Hilarious!


  8. #337
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    Treatise on 'Guts' and 'Balls'

    (defined first by a Chinaman in 563 BCE. The original author of this also wrote 'The Ruptured Chinaman'--his name was Won Hung Lo)

    There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

    In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

    GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

    BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

    I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

    Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
    Both result in death.






  9. #338
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    Fired Secretary

    One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary:

    "Two weeks ago," I said, "was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday' and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say 'Good Morning' let alone say 'Happy Birthday'.

    "I said to myself Well that's wives for you. The children will remember.' But the children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. And when I started to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

    As I walked into my office, Janet said 'Good Morning, Boss-Happy Birthday' and I felt a little bit better that someone had remembered. I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, so let's go to lunch, just you and I.' I said, 'By George, that is the greatest thing I have heard all day. Let's go.'

    "We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go, we went out into the country to a private place. We had two Martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

    "On the way back to the office, she said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day we don't need to go back to the office, do we?' I said, 'No, I guess not.'

    "She said, 'Let's go by my apartment, and I'll fix you another Martini.'

    "We went to her apartment. We enjoyed another Martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, 'Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable' and I allowed her as I didn't mind at all.

    "She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes she came out of the bedroom carrying a big birthday cake followed by my wife and children. All were singing 'Happy Birthday' and there I sat with nothing on but my socks."
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  10. #339
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    A man has been having an affair with his secretary.

    One afternoon, they decide to sneak off to a hotel for a bit of fun.

    After an hour or so of wild sex, they both fall asleep on the bed,exhausted.

    Two hours pass and the man wakes up and jumps out of bed. "Sh*t! I was meant to be home an hour ago!! My wife's gonna kill me!"

    Suddenly,he comes up with a plan.

    Taking his shoes,he runs into out on to the lawn, pressing them hard into the grass.

    He arrives home and walks in the house.

    Waiting for him is his wife. She is angry and upset!

    "Where the HELL have you been? You were meant to be home at 6!"

    The man says sheepishly "Huney, i have something to tell you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. And this afternoon we had had mind-blowing sex at a hotel that was so good, we passed out and I overslept. That's why I'm late."

    The woman looks at him. She's shocked. Then suddenly she spots his shoes.

    "You lying son of a b*tch!" she screams "You've been out playing golf again,haven't you!!"
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  11. #340
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    A friend of mine just started his own business, making landmines that look like prayer rugs.

    It's doing well.



    He says Prophets are going through the roof.


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