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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #601
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    CAR KEYS

    Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately
    gave myself a
    personal TSA pat down.

    I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.
    A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

    Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.
    Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

    My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
    the ignition.
    My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
    His theory is that the car will be stolen.

    As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
    His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

    I immediately called the police. I gave them my location,
    confessed that I
    had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.


    Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I
    stammered; ( I always
    call him "honey" in times like these.)

    "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

    There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been
    dropped, but then
    I heard his voice.

    "Are you kiddin' me", he barked, "I dropped you off"!!!!!!!

    Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well,
    come and get me."

    He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't
    steal your car."

    Yep it's the golden years................ :-\


  3. #602
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  4. #603
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    Good stuff right there!


  5. #604
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    The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

    She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan , who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

    "Very good! -- Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"

    Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

    "Excellent!" said the teacher continuing, "Let's try one a bit more difficult -- Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?"

    Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961."

    The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."

    She heard a loud whisper: "F_ _ k the Japs."

    "Who said that? -- I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded.

    Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."


    At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke.'

    The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right! -- Now who said that?"

    Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

    Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? -- Suck this!"

    Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

    Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****! -- If you say anything else -- I'll kill you!"

    Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004."

    The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, We're screwed!"

    Little Akio said quietly,"The American people, November 4, 2008."

  6. #605
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    Little Akio is one bright kid!


  7. #606
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

    She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan , who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

    "Very good! -- Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"

    Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

    "Excellent!" said the teacher continuing, "Let's try one a bit more difficult -- Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?"

    Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961."

    The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."

    She heard a loud whisper: "F_ _ k the Japs."

    "Who said that? -- I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded.

    Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."


    At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke.'

    The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right! -- Now who said that?"

    Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

    Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? -- Suck this!"

    Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

    Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****! -- If you say anything else -- I'll kill you!"

    Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004."

    The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, We're screwed!"

    Little Akio said quietly,"The American people, November 4, 2008."
    OH MAN, TS you completely and utterly out did yourself on this, I was laughing outloud on it. Love this one!


    Are you man enough? Eric Berry? Apparently Not!

  8. #607
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    Anger Management

    When you occasionally have a really bad day,
    and you just need to take it out on someone,
    don't take it out on someone you know,
    take it out on someone you don't know,
    but you know deserves it.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
    a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

    I found the number and dialed it.

    A man answered, saying
    'Hello.'

    I politely said,
    'This is Chris.
    Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
    'Get the right f***ing number!'
    and the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    When I tracked down Robyn 's correct number to call her,
    I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

    After hanging up with her,
    I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
    'You're an a--hole!'
    and hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'a--hole' next to it,
    and put it in my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks,
    when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
    I'd call him up and yell,
    'You're an a--hole!'

    It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced,
    I thought my therapeutic ' a--hole '
    calling would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said,
    'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
    I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

    He yelled
    'NO!'
    and slammed down the phone.

    I quickly called him back and said,
    'That's because you're an a--hole!'
    and hung up.

    One day I was at the store,
    getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.

    Some guy in a black BMW
    cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

    I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
    but the idiot ignored me.

    I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
    so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later,
    right after calling the first a--hole
    (I had his number on speed dial,)
    I thought that I'd better call the BMW a--hole, too.

    I said,
    'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

    He said,
    'Yes, it is.'

    I then asked,
    'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

    He said,
    'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ..
    It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'

    I asked,
    'What's your name?'

    He said,
    'My name is Don Hansen,'

    I asked,
    'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

    He said,
    'I'm home every evening after five.'

    I said,
    'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

    He said,
    'Yes?'

    I said,
    'Don, you're an a--hole!'

    Then I hung up,
    and added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem,
    I had two a--hole to call.

    Then I came up with an idea...

    I called a--hole #1.

    He said,
    'Hello.'

    I said,
    'You're an a--hole!'
    (But I didn't hang up.)

    He asked,
    'Are you still there?'

    I said,
    'Yeah!'

    He screamed,
    'Stop calling me,'

    I said,
    'Make me,'

    He asked,
    'Who are you?'

    I said,
    'My name is Don Hansen.'

    He said,
    'Yeah? Where do you live?'

    I said,
    'A--hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
    a yellow ranch style home and
    I have a black BMW parked in front.'

    He said,
    'I'm coming over right now, Don.
    And you had better start saying your prayers.'

    I said,
    'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a--hole,'
    and hung up.

    Then I called a--hole #2.

    He said,
    'Hello?'

    I said,
    'Hello, a--hole,'

    He yelled,
    'If I ever find out who you are...'

    I said,
    'You'll what?'

    He exclaimed,
    'I'll kick your a--,'

    I answered,
    'Well, a--hole, here's your chance.
    I'm coming over right now.'

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
    saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
    and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 7 News
    about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ...

    I got there just in time to watch two a--hole
    beating the crap out of each other
    in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
    and surrounded by a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better.

    Anger management really does work.
    Last edited by AkChief49; 10-30-2012 at 05:23 AM.


  9. #608
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  10. #609
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    Funny stuff right there!


  11. #610
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    Default Chiefs dad and son


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