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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #641
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    I recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull. Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave me some pills to give him once per day.
    Holy crap.
    The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!"

    I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him,
    But they kinda taste like peppermint....

  3. #642
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    Men in Heaven

    When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

    Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

    The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

    God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

    God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"


    The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

  4. #643
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    I recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull. Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave me some pills to give him once per day.
    Holy crap.
    The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!"

    I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him,
    But they kinda taste like peppermint....
    Funny stuff! Might I suggest that the bull's owner is, himself, a little young.

    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    Men in Heaven

    When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

    Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

    The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

    God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

    God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"


    The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
    There's absolutely no hiding the facts.


  5. #644
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    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
    The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
    The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
    The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poop."


  6. #645
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    How to Replace Mouse Balls..........

    I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.

    This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem.

    The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

    If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).

    Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

    Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

    Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive; however, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

    It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

    Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

    Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
    Last edited by kcvet; 06-17-2013 at 02:17 PM.
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  7. #646
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    How to Replace Mouse Balls..........

    I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.

    This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem.

    The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

    If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).

    Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

    Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

    Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive; however, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

    It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

    Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

    Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
    This truly belongs in the ID10T Error file.


  8. #647
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    How to Replace Mouse Balls..........

    I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.

    This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem.

    The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

    If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).

    Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

    Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

    Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive; however, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

    It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

    Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

    Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
    Not sure just how I want to comment, so many ways to go with! So I go LMFAO!

  9. #648
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    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  10. #649
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    Funny in a sad and scary sort of way.


  11. #650
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    I just finished downloading the entire internet

    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

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