Page 10 of 68 FirstFirst ... 678910111213142060 ... LastLast
Results 91 to 100 of 672

Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
    Member Since
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Kansas City
    Posts
    3,041
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 128
    Given: 4

    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


    0 Not allowed!
    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #91
    Member Since
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    7,413
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 63
    Given: 66

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:


    1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

    2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

    3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

    4. A dog's parents never visit.

    5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

    6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

    7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

    8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

    9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, 'If I died, would you get another dog?'

    10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

    11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

    12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

    13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

    And last, but not least:


    14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

  3. #92
    Member Since
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    7,413
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 63
    Given: 66

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Last year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the
    traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

    When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

    When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

    With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, 'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!'

    At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

    Yep......... ......... .SHE'S BLONDE

  4. #93
    Member Since
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Sexy Ville
    Posts
    1,383
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Electric Train

    A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of *****es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of *****es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

    The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

    Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

    As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."
    Last edited by Sn@keIze; 11-28-2008 at 03:17 PM.

  5. #94
    Member Since
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Sexy Ville
    Posts
    1,383
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Criminal Mastermind

    An applicant was filling out a job application.

    When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

    The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

    The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

  6. #95
    Member Since
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Sexy Ville
    Posts
    1,383
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Tail Light On Bike

    On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.

    The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

    The kid said, "Yeah."

    The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

    The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

    Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

    The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

  7. #96
    Member Since
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    7,413
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 63
    Given: 66

    Default Company Christmas Party


    0 Not allowed!
    FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director






    TO: All Employees






    DATE: 1st November 2008






    RE: Christmas Party







    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

    on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

    Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a

    small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.

    And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A

    Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees

    can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make

    the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only

    for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.










    Merry Christmas to you and your Family.




    Pauline










    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------










    FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director




    TO: All Employees




    DATE: 2nd November 2008




    RE: Holiday Party







    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

    We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides

    with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on

    we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any

    other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree

    or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

    enjoyment.







    Happy now?







    Happy Holidays to you and your family.




    Pauline.










    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------










    FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director




    TO: All Employees




    DATE: 6th November 2008




    RE: Holiday Party




    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

    requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to

    accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA

    Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle

    this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed

    now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and

    Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE

    ALLOWED.







    Pauline.










    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------










    FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director




    TO: All Employees




    DATE: 7th November 2008




    RE: Holiday Party







    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the

    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a

    luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'

    beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until

    the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home

    in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for

    members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and

    pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are

    allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men,

    each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements

    for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross

    dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short

    people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot

    control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood

    pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for

    Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I

    miss anything?!?!?!?!?!







    Pauline.










    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------










    FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director




    TO: All F****** Employees




    DATE: 8 November 2008




    RE: The F******* Holiday Party.










    Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep

    this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

    quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so

    quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic

    tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you

    slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!










    I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.




    The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!










    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------










    FROM: John, Acting Human Resources Director




    TO: All Employees




    DATE: 9th November 2008




    RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party




    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and

    I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the

    Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give

    everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.










    John




    Epilog: Pauline was convicted of 67 hate crimes and is serving 10 to 15 at Leavenworth.

  8. #97
    Member Since
    Sep 2005
    Location
    SE Kansas
    Posts
    28,148
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 255
    Given: 451

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    I have a great knock, knock joke. You start it out...


  9. #98
    Member Since
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    7,413
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 63
    Given: 66

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Ok I am game.
    Knock, Knock

  10. #99
    Member Since
    Sep 2005
    Location
    SE Kansas
    Posts
    28,148
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 255
    Given: 451

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Who's there?


  11. #100
    Member Since
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    7,413
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 63
    Given: 66

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    tornadospotter

Page 10 of 68 FirstFirst ... 678910111213142060 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •