There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around1
a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
[Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how is manifests itself:
decide to wash my car. As I start toward to the garage, I notice
that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the
mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash
can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the
trash first, but then I think that since Iím going to be near the
mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills
I take my checkbook off the table and see that there is only one check
left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my
desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. Iím going
to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I
donít accidentally knock it over.
I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the
refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eyeĖthey need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter and I discover my reading
glasses that Iíve been searching for all morning.
I decide Iíd better put them back on my desk, but first Iím going to
water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water,
and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight, when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for
the remote, but nobody will remember that itís on the kitchen table, so
I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first Iíll
water the flowers.
I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day; the car isnít washed, the bills arenít paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers arenít
watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook,
I canít find the remote, I canít find my glasses, and I donít remember
what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, Iím really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Iím really tired. I
realize this is a serious problem, and Iíll try to get some help for it,
but first Iíll check my e-mail.
Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to close friends you
know, because I donít remember to whom it has been sent.
Donít laugh Ė if this isnít you yet, your day is coming! And if I have
sent this to you beforeÖ.well, now you know why youíre getting it again.
that's my updated BIO............there's dirt then there's me
WHY JEWISH DAUGHTERS NEED THERAPY
Jewish Mother: "Hello?"
Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"
Jewish Mother: "You're going out?"
Jewish Mother: "With whom?"
Daughter: "With a friend."
Jewish Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man."
Daughter: "I didn't leave him. He left me! "
Jewish Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies."
Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? "
Jewish Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father."
Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did, and I don't."
Jewish Mother: "What are you hinting at? "
Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight."
Jewish Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?"
Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!"
Jewish Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?"
Daughter: "He's not a loser."
Jewish Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite."
Daughter: "I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? "
Jewish Mother: "Poor children with such a mother."
Daughter: "Such a what?"
Jewish Mother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you."
Daughter: "ENOUGH!!! "
Jewish Mother "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! "
Daughter: "Now you're worried about the loser? "
Jewish Mother: "Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately."
Daughter: "Goodbye, mother."
Jewish Mother: "Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"
Jewish Mother: "If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?"
passing the buck:
It's a slow day in a small Arkansas town and streets are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on creditÖ
A rich tourist drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.
As soon as he walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Farmer's Co-op.
The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takesthe $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looks to the future with a lot more
And that, in a nutshell, is how the United States Congress is conducting business. . .
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK