Page 56 of 68 FirstFirst ... 64652535455565758596066 ... LastLast
Results 551 to 560 of 672

Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
    Member Since
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Kansas City
    Posts
    2,871
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 104
    Given: 3

    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


    0 Not allowed!
    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #551
    Member Since
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    7,373
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 56
    Given: 59

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post

    small print. had to resize
    Loved it!

  3. #552
    Member Since
    Sep 2008
    Location
    kansas city
    Posts
    2,037
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 83
    Given: 46

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    The new truck

    I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new
    Silverado 1500 pickup.


    Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new
    "feel" before they become extinct.

    The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "CHANGE" lapel pin) sat in the
    passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options.


    The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed
    warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in
    the summer heat.

    Feeling a little frisky and messing with him, I mentioned that this must be
    a Republican truck.

    Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
    I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats would blow smoke up
    your a** year-round.

    I had to walk back to the dealership... the guy had no sense of humor.
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  4. #553
    Member Since
    Sep 2005
    Location
    SE Kansas
    Posts
    27,932
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 236
    Given: 421

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post

    small print. had to resize
    I like!


  5. #554
    Member Since
    Sep 2008
    Location
    kansas city
    Posts
    2,037
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 83
    Given: 46

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  6. #555
    Member Since
    Feb 2007
    Location
    ALASKA
    Posts
    3,074
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 19
    Given: 22

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    If you start with a cage containing five monkeys and inside the cage, hang a banana on a string from the top and then you place a set of stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb toward the banana.

    As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold water. After a while another monkey makes an attempt with same result ... all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

    Now, put the cold water away.

    Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs. To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

    Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment...with enthusiasm.

    Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs. Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

    Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, none of the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana.

    Why, you ask? Because in their minds...that is the way it has always been!

    This, my friends, is how Congress operates... and is why, from time to time,
    all of the monkeys need to be REPLACED AT THE SAME TIME


  7. #556
    Member Since
    Sep 2008
    Location
    kansas city
    Posts
    2,037
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 83
    Given: 46

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Hole in the Wall
    A hole has appeared in the ladies' changing rooms at the downtown sports club. Police are looking into it.

    Parked
    A policeman patrolling Lover's Lane one night drives by a car with the dome light on. Inside is a young man in the driver's seat reading a sports magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. The cop walks up to the driver's window and knocks. The young man looks up, opens the window and says, "Yes, Officer?"

    "What are you doing?" the policeman asks.

    "I'm reading this magazine," the young man answers.

    The cop points towards the young lady in the back seat and asks, "And what is she doing?"

    The young man looks over his shoulder and replies, "She's just knitting."

    Curious, the officer asks the young man, "How old are you?"

    "I'm 19," he replies.

    "And how old is she?" asks the officer.

    The young man looks at his watch and says, "Well, in about twelve minutes, she'll be 18."

    Helpful Wife
    A man is pulled over for speeding. The cop asks him, "Did you know you were going 70 in a 55 mile-per-hour zone?"

    "No sir," replies the driver. "My speedometer said I was going 60."

    The man's wife, in the passenger's seat, chimes in, "Oh Frank, you were actually going 80." The man gives her a dirty look.

    The cop adds, "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

    "Broken tail light?" exclaims the man. "I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

    His wife again butts in, "Oh Frank, you've known about that tail light for weeks!"

    Frank gives her a dirty look.

    "And I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt," says the cop.

    "I just took it off when you were walking up to the car!" Frank protests.

    His wife adds, "Oh Frank, you never wear your seat belt!"

    Infuriated, Frank turns and yells at his wife, "Shut your mouth, woman!"

    The cop asks the woman, "Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?"

    "No," she explains. "Only when he's drunk."

    Hillbilly I.D.
    This hillbilly is pulled over for speeding. The patrolman walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You got any ID?"

    "'Bout what?" the hillbilly replies.
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  8. #557
    Member Since
    Sep 2008
    Location
    kansas city
    Posts
    2,037
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 83
    Given: 46

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO2eh6f5Go0"]Tim Hawkins - The Government Can - YouTube[/ame]
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  9. #558
    Member Since
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    7,373
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 56
    Given: 59

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check out counter.

    The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

    The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

    The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."

    So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

    The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."

    The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and quickly pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like ****."

    The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper."

    ~~~~ Don't mess with old people . ~~~~

  10. #559
    Member Since
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    10,594
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 6
    Given: 3

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    Hole in the Wall
    A hole has appeared in the ladies' changing rooms at the downtown sports club. Police are looking into it.

    Parked
    A policeman patrolling Lover's Lane one night drives by a car with the dome light on. Inside is a young man in the driver's seat reading a sports magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. The cop walks up to the driver's window and knocks. The young man looks up, opens the window and says, "Yes, Officer?"

    "What are you doing?" the policeman asks.

    "I'm reading this magazine," the young man answers.

    The cop points towards the young lady in the back seat and asks, "And what is she doing?"

    The young man looks over his shoulder and replies, "She's just knitting."

    Curious, the officer asks the young man, "How old are you?"

    "I'm 19," he replies.

    "And how old is she?" asks the officer.

    The young man looks at his watch and says, "Well, in about twelve minutes, she'll be 18."

    Helpful Wife
    A man is pulled over for speeding. The cop asks him, "Did you know you were going 70 in a 55 mile-per-hour zone?"

    "No sir," replies the driver. "My speedometer said I was going 60."

    The man's wife, in the passenger's seat, chimes in, "Oh Frank, you were actually going 80." The man gives her a dirty look.

    The cop adds, "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

    "Broken tail light?" exclaims the man. "I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

    His wife again butts in, "Oh Frank, you've known about that tail light for weeks!"

    Frank gives her a dirty look.

    "And I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt," says the cop.

    "I just took it off when you were walking up to the car!" Frank protests.

    His wife adds, "Oh Frank, you never wear your seat belt!"

    Infuriated, Frank turns and yells at his wife, "Shut your mouth, woman!"

    The cop asks the woman, "Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?"

    "No," she explains. "Only when he's drunk."

    Hillbilly I.D.
    This hillbilly is pulled over for speeding. The patrolman walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You got any ID?"

    "'Bout what?" the hillbilly replies.
    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check out counter.

    The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

    The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

    The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."

    So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

    The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."

    The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and quickly pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like ****."

    The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper."

    ~~~~ Don't mess with old people . ~~~~

  11. #560
    Member Since
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    14
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Default


    0 Not allowed!
    Lol

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •