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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

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    An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

    Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.

    He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

    He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

    "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

    Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now, Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call

  3. #582
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

    Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.

    He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

    He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

    "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

    Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now, Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call
    that's funny right there!


  4. #583
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    An oldie, but a goodie............................................ ..................



    definitely an UFFDA!


    A road crew supervisor hired Ole to assist with painting the yellow line down the middle of the road. He was skeptical about hiring him, but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lena told him he needed the job.



    He explained to Ole that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of line on the road, and he was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started. After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift. He told him that he did an outstanding job and how pleased he was with his progress.



    On the second day, Ole completed painting 2 miles of road. His supervisor was surprised that on day one, he had completed twice as much work, but did not say anything, as 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that he would pick up his speed again.



    On day 3, the supervisor was shocked to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Ole only completed painting 1 mile of road. He was called the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem .. "On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. Can I ask you, what is the problem?"

    "Vell," Ole replied, "I'll tell you vhat, but I tought you vould know. Every day I vas getting farder and farder avay from da paint can."

  5. #584
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    An oldie, but a goodie............................................ ..................



    definitely an UFFDA!


    A road crew supervisor hired Ole to assist with painting the yellow line down the middle of the road. He was skeptical about hiring him, but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lena told him he needed the job.



    He explained to Ole that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of line on the road, and he was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started. After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift. He told him that he did an outstanding job and how pleased he was with his progress.



    On the second day, Ole completed painting 2 miles of road. His supervisor was surprised that on day one, he had completed twice as much work, but did not say anything, as 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that he would pick up his speed again.



    On day 3, the supervisor was shocked to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Ole only completed painting 1 mile of road. He was called the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem .. "On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. Can I ask you, what is the problem?"

    "Vell," Ole replied, "I'll tell you vhat, but I tought you vould know. Every day I vas getting farder and farder avay from da paint can."
    you're killing me!!


  6. #585
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    An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant

    70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.

    When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

    She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."

    The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

    The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."

    "But I didn't use them," she said.

    ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

    He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said.

    "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

    "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

    No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

    After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

    The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."

    "That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

    "But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

    "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

    Don't mess with Senior Citizens


  7. #586
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    Nice!

  8. #587
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  9. #588
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    Niceness!


  10. #589
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    Here's a joke:

    Raiders

  11. #590
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    Having shot a moose two Swedes began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.

    On the way they were stopped by a game warden. "Let me see your hunting licenses, boys," he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice.

    "Sure!" the hunters agreed.

    "Well, boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail."

    "Aye, O.K. and thanks," said the lads.

    After about five minutes one said to the other, "Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?"

    "Aye, you're right," said his friend, "but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"

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