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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AkChief49 View Post
    this is a re-hash of an old joke, but funny

    A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an
    anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .
    There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted
    a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the
    big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked
    her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and
    got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a
    local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a
    Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

    The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go
    wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

    She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman
    demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had
    to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service,
    and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber
    from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm
    sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.
    Hey can't argue with Obama Care.


  3. #622
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    An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
    She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

    As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"
    She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly parted.
    The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

    Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

    MORAL OF THE STORY

    Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb.....
    But all men...Are men!


  4. #623
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    An elderly farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

    While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time..

    ' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

    The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

    The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

  5. #624
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    An elderly farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

    While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time..

    ' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

    The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

    The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
    that's classic!


  6. #625
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post
    An elderly farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

    While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time..

    ' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

    The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

    The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.


    Well he did ask.


  7. #626
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    Snow Problem



    On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Duluth were listening to the radio during breakfast... They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.



    A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.



    The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, " I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plow can get through?" Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blonde’s exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  8. #627
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    Snow Problem



    On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Duluth were listening to the radio during breakfast... They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.



    A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.



    The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, " I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plow can get through?" Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blonde’s exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"
    YEP! LOL That is some funny there!

  9. #628
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    A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face creamand puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband."Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  10. #629
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face creamand puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband."Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
    That's funny right there...


  11. #630
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    George W Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

    As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.

    Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”

    The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?”

    Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

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