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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

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    This is a story about A Fly, a Fish, a Bear A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.
    There is a moral to this story...... (Maybe not the one Most of you expect.... So, read on!)
    In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

    The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,



    "Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist

    From the water and I will be refreshed."


    There was a fish in the water thinking,




    "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."


    There was a bear on the shore thinking,



    "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches

    That fish will jump for the fly...

    And I will grab the fish!!"


    It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank

    Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich....

    "Gosh," he thought,"if that fly goes down three inches...

    And that fish leaps for it...

    That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.

    I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."


    A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,


    "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...

    And that fish jumps for that fly..

    And that bear grabs for that fish..

    The dumb hunter will shoot the bear

    And drop his cheese sandwich."

    A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,

    (as was fashionable to do on the banks of

    This particular river around lunch time)


    "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..

    And that fish jumps for that fly ..

    And that bear grabs for that fish

    And that hunter shoots that bear..

    And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich .

    Then I can have mouse for lunch."

    The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he

    Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.



    The fish swallows the fly...

    The bear grabs the fish..





    The hunter shoots the bear..





    The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...



    The cat jumps for the mouse..

    The mouse ducks...




    The cat falls into the water and drowns.




    NOW, The Moral Of The Story....Whenever a fly goes down three inches,Some ***** is gonna be in serious danger.

  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiefster View Post
    Since this has turned into what seems to be the sites official joke thread, I'll go ahead and move it into the "Locker Room".

    But first a joke:

    A young man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers when all the sudden this graying middle aged man stumbles over to the young man and in a drunken stupor yells: "I'M GONNA %^&*YOUR MAMMA BOY! WHAT'D YA THINK ABOUT THAT!" The young man looked at the old man and calmly said: "Give me the keys dad and I'll drive ya home."

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by AkChief49 View Post
    This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster.

    The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."

    Well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy.

    The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk...

    "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

    Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked.

    Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese.

    Randy's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

    The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day.

    Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy in the middle of the yard looking like he is dead from exhaustion.

    Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

    Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and say's, "Shhh. They're getting closer..."

  5. #34
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    Rekindling The Romance...


    After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the
    wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

    It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down
    past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

    He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

    As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

    To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'


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    Awesome TS!

  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post

    Rekindling The Romance...


    After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the
    wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

    It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down
    past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

    He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

    As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

    To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'

    That's freakin hilarious!!!!!!!


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    Quote Originally Posted by tornadospotter View Post

    Rekindling The Romance...


    After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the
    wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

    It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down
    past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

    He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

    As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

    To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'

    perfect!!!


  9. #38
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    Hunting on a farm

    A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's
    yard.

    The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.

    The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"

    The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car. While walking back,
    however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies.

    He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said okay, he said, "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."

    With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.

    As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. One of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"


  10. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by AkChief49 View Post
    Hunting on a farm

    A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's
    yard.

    The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.

    The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"

    The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car. While walking back,
    however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies.

    He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said okay, he said, "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."

    With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.

    As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. One of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"
    Funny stuff. That's actually an old Jerry Clower routine.


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    Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

    At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

    "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

    "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

    They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all Three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

    Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

    He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

    The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

    The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

    When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all.

    "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

    "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

    When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

    The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket please."


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