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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #481
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    Monkey Organization

    An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.

    Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

    The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

    The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but *******s.
    *** Kansas City Chiefs 2013 - 2014 ***

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    Wittle Wabbit
    A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

    And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

    The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
    *** Kansas City Chiefs 2013 - 2014 ***

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    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    20 Stunning Photos Of The Damage Caused By The East Coast Earthquake



    more here
    that was just a shaker!


  5. #484
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    Remember the couple who sneaked into the White House with no credentials?



    WELL!! They're still there!!!
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  6. #485
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    Early Retirement

    Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help after Forced Termination).
    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

    A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

    Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

    Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHyT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided them on the amount of SHyT they give our citizens...

    Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHyT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHyT you can handle.

    Sincerely,
    The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

    PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions,
    the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  7. #486
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcvet View Post
    Early Retirement

    Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help after Forced Termination).
    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

    A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

    Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

    Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHyT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided them on the amount of SHyT they give our citizens...

    Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHyT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHyT you can handle.

    Sincerely,
    The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

    PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions,
    the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
    ..gulp!


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  9. #488
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    Recently, the LA zoo decided they wanted to breed Mookey, their albino gorilla. The zoo handlers scoured the land to find a suitable mate for Mookie.

    When the handlers returned to report to their superiors, they were asked, "Have you found a mate for Mookie?" The handlers said that yes, they had found a suitable mate, his name was Joe Kawsluski from Chicago.

    They decided to fly Joe in for an interview. They asked Joe, "would you be willing to mate with Mookie for $20,000"? Joe thought about it a moment and said, "Under three conditions: 1. The can be no kissing on the lips, 2. The offspring must be raised catholic, and 3. It will take me a couple of weeks to come up with the $20,000"


    Are you man enough? Eric Berry? Apparently Not!

  10. #489
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hayvern View Post
    Recently, the LA zoo decided they wanted to breed Mookey, their albino gorilla. The zoo handlers scoured the land to find a suitable mate for Mookie.

    When the handlers returned to report to their superiors, they were asked, "Have you found a mate for Mookie?" The handlers said that yes, they had found a suitable mate, his name was Joe Kawsluski from Chicago.

    They decided to fly Joe in for an interview. They asked Joe, "would you be willing to mate with Mookie for $20,000"? Joe thought about it a moment and said, "Under three conditions: 1. The can be no kissing on the lips, 2. The offspring must be raised catholic, and 3. It will take me a couple of weeks to come up with the $20,000"
    I just blew coffee all over my monitor!


  11. #490
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    A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.

    He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

    He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

    He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,'Pick me up.'

    He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

    The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

    The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
    I'll make sure all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

    The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

    The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

    He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,



    'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'


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