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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #131
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    Default Becky was on her deathbed


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    Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved.

    "Jake," she said.

    "Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted.

    "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must
    confess."

    "There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right."

    "No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you."

    Jake stroked her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it", he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?"

  3. #132
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    Default How to confuse an idiot...


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    How to confuse an idiot...

    How to Confuse an Idiot.jpg

  4. #133
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    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to..'

    'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

    'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good Did you know babies are my specialty?'

    'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

    After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

    'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

    'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

    'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

    'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

    'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

    'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.


    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

    'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

    'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

    'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.


    'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

    'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

    'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

    'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

    'Tripod?'


    'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

    Mrs Smith fainted.




  5. #134
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    Default


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    Nice,,,,,, It is about time that some others post jokes here!
    This is the correct place to joke around!

  6. #135
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    One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
    > remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
    >
    > He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one
    > of those Barbie˘s in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do
    > you mean, Sir?
    >
    > We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach
    > Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
    > Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for
    > $265.95.
    >
    > The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95
    > and the others only $19.95?
    >
    > The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir...,
    > Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture,
    > Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's b@11s.
    >

  7. #136
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  8. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiefster View Post
    A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender sais: "So, why the long face?".
    Shannon Sharpe walk into a bar and the bartender says "So, why the horse face?"

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  10. #139
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    This was sent to me. Not really very funny.
    This is too true to be funny.


    The next time you hear a politician use the
    word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
    whether you want the 'politicians' spending
    YOUR
    tax money.
    A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
    but one advertising agency did a good job of
    putting that figure into some perspective in
    one of its releases.




    A.
    A billion seconds ago it was 1959.


    B.
    A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.


    C.
    A billion hours ago our ancestors were
    living in the Stone Age.


    D.
    A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.


    E.
    A billion dollars ago was only
    8 hours and 20 minutes,
    at the rate our government
    is spending it.


    While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division


    Louisiana Senator,
    Mary Landrieu (D),
    is presently asking theCongressfor
    $250BILLION
    to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number,
    what does it mean?


    A.
    Well, if you are one of
    484,674 residents of
    New Orleans
    (every man, woman, child),
    you each get $516,528.


    B.
    Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
    New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.


    C.
    Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets
    $2,066,012.




    Washington, D.C


    < HELLO!>
    Are all your calculators broken??




    Accounts Receivable Tax
    Building Permit Tax
    CDL License Tax
    Cigarette Tax
    Corporate Income Tax
    Dog License Tax
    Federal Income Tax
    Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
    Fishing License Tax
    Food License Tax
    Fuel Permit Tax
    Gasoline Tax
    Hunting License Tax
    Inheritance Tax
    Inventory Tax
    IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
    IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
    Liquor Tax,
    Luxury Tax,
    Marriage License Tax,
    Medicare Tax,
    Property Tax,
    Real Estate Tax,
    Service charge taxes,
    Social Security Tax,
    Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
    Sales Taxes,
    Recreational Vehicle Tax,
    School Tax,
    State Income Tax,
    State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
    Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
    Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
    Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
    Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
    Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
    Telephone State and Local Tax,
    Telephone Usage ChargeTax,
    Utility Tax,
    Vehicle License Registration Tax,
    Vehicle Sales Tax,
    Watercraft Registration Tax,
    Well Permit Tax,
    Workers Compensation Tax.


    STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
    Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
    and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
    We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.


    What happened?
    Can you spell 'politicians?'


    And I still have to
    'press 1'
    for English.


    I hope this goes around the

  11. #140
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    Sad but true.


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