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Thread: The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread

  1. #1
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    Default The Chiefs Crowd Official Joke Thread


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    There is a chiefs picture forum. Why not a Joke Forum? It is always a pain trying to weed out all of the jokes in a single thread specially when there are thread whores who swurve the thread.

  2. #611
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    Quote Originally Posted by N TX Dave View Post
    Saw this one of facebook. Hilarious!

    Hopefully next year, that will all change.
    Last edited by AussieChiefsFan; 11-29-2012 at 06:52 AM.

  3. #612
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    Aussie that is where I got it from.

  4. #613
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    Dear Santa,

    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the

    reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I

    would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for

    Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

    Merry Christmas,

    Timmy Jones

    * *



    Dear Timmy,

    Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all

    fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the

    time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to

    get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you

    something you can go outside and play with.

    Merry Christmas,

    Santa Claus



    * *

    Mr. Claus,

    Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,

    set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to

    granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this

    joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at

    my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit

    trite?

    Respectfully,

    Tim Jones

    * *



    Mr. Jones,

    While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,

    need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it

    a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,

    well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been

    on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be

    more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I

    alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social

    skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the

    bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

    Very Truly Yours,

    S Claus

    * *



    Now look here Fat Man,

    I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was

    attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends

    into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys

    and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat *** and I’m taking my game console,

    my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

    T-Bone

    * *



    Listen Pizza Face,

    Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on

    one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees

    you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,

    genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your

    **** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people

    that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll

    all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you

    asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in

    you’re *** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

    S Clizzy

    * *



    Dear Santa,

    Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

    Timmy

    * *



    Timmy,

    That’s what I thought you little *******.

    Santa

  5. #614
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    I was watching the game this past sunday and the fans are like giving up on this team this year.With the final game of the year the fans were booing after the game which is ridiculous not they fault that they are terrible its the front office and coaching staff fault.it will be the best day of my life when GM and the Head Coach gets Fire which hopefully will be Monday.

  6. #615
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    Pearly Gates--The pilot and the priest

    A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
    Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

    Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so
    that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?'

    The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .'

    Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot,
    'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.'
    The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

    Next, it's the priest's turn.
    He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'

    Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest,
    'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

    'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?

    'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter.
    'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.
    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  7. #616
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    trust but verify
    http://www.chiefscrowd.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=1540&dateline=1380047  325]

  8. #617
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    this is a re-hash of an old joke, but funny

    A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an
    anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .
    There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted
    a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the
    big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked
    her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and
    got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a
    local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a
    Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

    The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go
    wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

    She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman
    demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had
    to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service,
    and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber
    from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm
    sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.


  9. #618
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    Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.


    Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

    So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids" This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.

    "Catatonics and High Colonics"......No go.
    Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"....thumbs down again.
    Then came "Minds and Behinds"....still no good.
    Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes".......unacceptable again !
    So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts".....not a chance.
    "Nuts and Butts".....no way.
    "Freaks and Cheeks".....still no good.
    "Loons and Moons".....forget it.

    Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
    "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones--Odds and Ends"
    Everyone loved it.

    Anyone else remember the show "Alias Smith and Jones"? I do not know why that popped into my head.


  10. #619
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    Quote Originally Posted by AkChief49 View Post

    Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.


    Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

    So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids" This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.

    "Catatonics and High Colonics"......No go.
    Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"....thumbs down again.
    Then came "Minds and Behinds"....still no good.
    Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes".......unacceptable again !
    So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts".....not a chance.
    "Nuts and Butts".....no way.
    "Freaks and Cheeks".....still no good.
    "Loons and Moons".....forget it.

    Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
    "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones--Odds and Ends"
    Everyone loved it.

    Anyone else remember the show "Alias Smith and Jones"? I do not know why that popped into my head.

  11. #620
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    Quote Originally Posted by AkChief49 View Post
    this is a re-hash of an old joke, but funny

    A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an
    anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .
    There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted
    a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the
    big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked
    her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and
    got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a
    local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a
    Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

    The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go
    wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

    She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman
    demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had
    to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service,
    and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber
    from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm
    sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.

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