Originally Posted by
Connie Jo
I'm doing some research into the differences between men and women that will help me help others through my volunteer counseling efforts.
I've noticed some men and women seem to be chauvinistic against the opposite sex, especially if they've had a negative experience. For instance, I have female friends who bash men in general, some are worse about it than others, but they have one common unity...a bad relationship, either existing or ended. They continue to have relationships with men even though they bash them, so they're contradictory in that aspect, lol. I have male friends who do the same, they stereotype all women as being the same after a negative experience with one.
Personally, my brain doesn't work like that...I probably have more reason to be bitter, angry, and hateful towards men than most women I know who bash men. However...I've never felt like that, I judge each person I cross paths with individually, male or female. Another contradiction is most women & men have had bad relationship experiences with those of their own gender sex also...be it a rival, x -friend, co-worker, whomever. They don't throw their own gender into a category of all being bad like they do when having a negative experience with the opposite gender.
So, if you don't mind participating in my research efforts I'd like to know your general observations of the differences between the genders in personality & behavior. If you're a woman...what negative traits in men do you see as being universal in all men? If you're a man...what negative traits of women do you see as all being the same?
It seems to me to be about the baggage you bring with you to the relationship. In my experience, women tend to be more vocal about the baggage they bring. Men on the other hand, they have baggage, but you do not find out about until 6 or 8 months into the relationship.
This usually ends up in one of the following ways:
1. The guy gets wind of the baggage early on, and dumps the woman. Usually, they have had sex and the woman is thinking things are going perfectly, just to end up dumped with no real reason given. (guys don't want to list the faults they see in you, they just want you gone.)
2. The guy can handle the baggage so he decides to stick it out a while. The woman, however, starts to get an idea of the man she has. Men come with baggage, just like women do, ours is just harder to get out of us. After a while, the woman starts to understand the baggage the guy has and a couple of additional things start to happen.
1. She thinks she can change him, so she starts nagging him about the small things, like hanging out with his friends, watching too much football, leaving the toilet seat up. When these smaller things do not change, then she starts nagging on larger things, the money he spends, the amount of beer he drinks.
This never works out, especially with older guys that do not have to put up with it. This is about the only break up, where a guy really gets pissed enough to hate all women over it.
2. The women gets smart and leaves him over his baggage, guys do not freak out too much about this one as long as the woman does not try to do the "change" thing before it happens.
We guys are really a pretty simple group, we like sex and food, and some of us are into sports and toys. My wife and I learned to live with one another a long time ago. She lets me have some freedoms, I let her have hers, we have been married so long though that the baggage each of us carry is shared baggage.
She got me early enough that she has me trained the way she wants me, and I her.
Ultimately it boils down to one thing, you are never going to change the other person, so you should be careful not to share your bed with another person until you know if that is the person you are OK with. Old-fashioned I know.
Anyway, that is my take on the subject anyway.
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