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In another Locker Room discussion I mentioned a good friend recently asked me to help a friend of his. His friend is recently divorced, he kept the house, has 3 school age boys who share his home, and he wants/needs my decorating advice/labors with re-doing the main rooms in his house. I retired from my design career yrs. ago, but once in a great while will do a consult as a favor to someone. I have a difficult time telling any one ‘no’ who needs my help in any way, providing I’m capable of giving that help. So, although I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of consulting at this stage in my life…I set up a time and drove to the mans house a couple Sunday’s ago.
Well, I learned in that visit, that his budget isn’t feasible for what he wants to accomplish, which creates many obstacles, challenges, & even possible financial burdens for me…if I go over budget, it’s on me, not him. Also, I thought it through, and honestly don’t feel I have time to help him, considering I’m still renovating my own home, have other committments. So, all factor’s considered…I made up my mind to kindly & politely tell the man I wasn’t going to be able to help him.
He called me this morning, and before I could tell him ‘no’…he began happily telling me how much he was looking forward to my helping him, and he was ready to begin as soon as I was. He rambled on about how much he trusted my judgement after meeting & talking to him at his house. The excitement in his voice was very obvious. Our mutual friend had told me this guy is taking his wife leaving him & the boys very hard, and he was hoping re-doing his house would be a needed emotional distraction.
Geez, how could I tell the guy ‘no’…knowing he’s having a tough time emotionally and hearing the excitement in his voice. The day I was at his house for an initial consult…he talked to me a little bit about his divorce, I could see the tears being held back in his eyes. Maybe I can be of help in that aspect too, being emotionally supportive helping him to obtain the ability to move forward. I dunno, just know I couldn’t bring myself to tell the guy ‘no’. I did explain to him this morning that with his decorating budget it will be difficult to accomplish what he’s asking, and he’ll need to work with me avoiding unnecessary trips to his house wasting fuel & such. He lives 45 min. one way from me.
I chuckled when he sent me a text message later this afternoon asking, “Did you say for me to buy the paint in a darker color than I have now on the walls? Can you look at Lowes for a color & the code so I’ll know the color of wall paint I should buy?” He agreed to buy the paint beyond the budget related to my work, haha.
I’m back to feeling as if I need to find the courage to tell him ‘no’. I guess it’s the girl in me…going back & forth with what to do or not to do. My gut is telling me I’m going to end up losing money I can’t afford to lose cause I feel badly for this guy.
Dave…he’s a nice guy, I feel badly for him, but I just don’t have the inner desire needed to help him in the way I should as a professional. I became burned out yrs. ago dealing with interior design clients. I can already sense he will be expecting more than what his budget can cover, not intentionally, but simply he doesn’t ‘get it’. I’ve already spent about $30 in fuel helping him, received no reimbursement, but I’ve not asked either, can’t bring myself to ask. It’s a problem I’ve always had…not able to ask for money in return when I justifiably should. That’s my fault, not his, but it’s one reason I know I need to tell him ‘no’…I myself will allow him to take advantage, cause my own self to lose money, even though he won’t intend to cost me money, he will. Does that make sense?
Connie Jo;230453 wrote:Dave…he’s a nice guy, I feel badly for him, but I just don’t have the inner desire needed to help him in the way I should as a professional. I became burned out yrs. ago dealing with interior design clients. I can already sense he will be expecting more than what his budget can cover, not intentionally, but simply he doesn’t ‘get it’. I’ve already spent about $30 in fuel helping him, received no reimbursement, but I’ve not asked either, can’t bring myself to ask. It’s a problem I’ve always had…not able to ask for money in return when I justifiably should. That’s my fault, not his, but it’s one reason I know I need to tell him ‘no’…I myself will allow him to take advantage, cause my own self to lose money, even though he won’t intend to cost me money, he will. Does that make sense?In that case, can I borrow $50?
Ask yourself if you think he would do the same thing for you if the roles were reversed. Personally, I think most people are douche bags and Im guessing he wouldnt. You are one of a kind CJ. Among the nicest people I know. Maybe too nice. Either tell him its going to cost more $$ or a couple of big Canadians will be showing up at his front door!! :bananen_smilies046:Well, to update…here’s another issue I foresee…he’s a procrastinator, haha. He was suppose to send me an email when this began, itemizing in detail what he wanted to achieve with his budget, so I’d have a clear perception of his expectations. I reminded him again when he called a few weeks after to send the email…to date I’ve still not received it. I’m a very thorough person, it helps aviod misunderstandings, so wouldn’t even begin the job without details in print.
Nevertheless, I know I need to tell him no, too many red flags indicate this helpful effort would lead to stress & complications on my end, as well as loss of income feeling bad for him, I can’t afford to be that helpful on my Social Security Disability income. Every month I end up using some of my income in one way or another helping others in need…I ‘need’ to stop, it’s taking from my food & fuel money. It’s just so hard to turn away from those in need, I feel guilty otherwise, regardless.
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